Thursday, March 21

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Brass Monkeys at Bedlington

 

Bedlington Terriers v Chester Town

 
22.12.2018
 
We were met with a beautifully icy cold winter’s day in Bedlington.
It was close to absolute zero on the terraces😳
I lost the feeling in my hands after the first 5…  writing a report was gonna be physically painful with the debilitating freeze.
 
Maximus Kelly had kindly driven The Jester to a rare away visit.
The Pantomime avoided, unlike some unfortunates who shall remain nameless🤣 Phil.
 
The present Terriers club was formed in 1949 under the name of Bedlington Mechanics originally, eventually becoming The Terriers as they are know today. 
 
One look at the pitch today reminded me of The battle of The Somme. 
Ronnie guffawed as he surveyed the brown-ness of it all… 
Mud fest was too kind,
Steva suggested ‘Cow field’
 it was an ugly Muddyfooter! 😳
 
The ground was cut up like 
Hexham races on a boggy winters day….
It was gonna be heavy to bloody heavy ganning!
 
Upon seeing the huge glowing electronic Scoreboard, 
one was filled with awe and confusion…. 🤨
22 Grand spent and the bogs were flooded still. 
 
 
I thought I was at The Super Bowl and expecting Beyoncé to start singing the star spangled banner🤔
Once it got dark though, we realised why… 
 
The Demonic glowing red digits were there to illuminate the pitch,
 the half dozen 40 watters were struggling. 
 
The Cestrian away supporters had done us proud, matching easily the home support turn out, tremendous!
 
The Whistle Blew….
 
Olaf ‘Oliver’ The Great was on fire…. 
the engine was running on full 5 star today.
DJ Steva was hard in, leaving the Terriers in no doubt about the battle that lay ahead of them….
 
Captain Mazzinator lead by example, as always, with an equally tough challenge and retrieved the ball well like a determined Jack McRussell. 
 
The Panther was assured of a gargantuan test today with conditions deteriorating rapidly.
One of his superb clearances, the result of a dangerous Terrier attack, ended up in number 37 Laburnum Terrace’s back garden,
‘Av it!!’
 
‘Brave as a Lyon’ battled hard down the line….  and cleared well. 
 
The local Kids had a ladder over the garden fence to retrieve the Ball🥴
It truly was like the Somme,
‘Over the top lads!!’
 
The Mazzinator threaded a lovely ball forward…
‘The Jack in the box’ set up an easy finish for The Meg, who surfaced like a Leviathan from the deep….
 
‘ya know the thing about The Meg is, he has black eyes, lifeless eyes like a doll’s eyes’ 
head over the ball, no bobble was gonna stop this one, as he slotted low and powerfully with aplomb,
 1-0 and a great start!! 
 
The Mazzinator went through the Bedlington midfielder as if a hot knife through butter and lifted him about 6 feet into the air… ‘won the ball ref!’
The Terrier didn’t know it but he had been selected for Mazzination🤣
 
The new Cestrian McGuire was hovering around the left wing ball after some lovely control and awareness. 
 
The space station sized score board illuminated the whole of a Bedlington with a resounding 1-0 The Town!
 
The Destroyer Dicka was imperious today, one example of many, was a great chest down and pass to the left wing,  Controlled with consummate ease, a seasoned pro just doing what comes naturally… caps doffed all around the ground😌
 
‘Brave as a Lyon’  blocked and covered well, he was fired up and ready to dominate his turf like he was home in The Serengeti once again… The Bedlington Hyenas would have slim pickings today. 
 
20 minutes in and we became painfully aware that The boot sponsor for the Terriers today was obviously Toblerone 🤣 whack, boom, biff, bash and wham!!
It was like The old Batman TV series 
as the shots flew astronomically high and wide…
 
The Young Pantheras Dominus, as the Romans call him, was simply artistry in motion as he made a Brilliant save to his right flying like a bird…
the spirit of Jim Montgomery appeared before our eyes, JB thought it was ‘73 again as The Panther saved the rebound point blank! Absolutely tremendous🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌
 
 
As coaches we always say a great save is as good as a goal to the team,
 this was absolutely pivotal as we came away with a 1-0 lead still in tact. 
 
There was no rest😳
Then another shout of  ‘incoming!!!’
Immediately The Panther dived to his near post saving us once again…
Such concentration, such reactions,
He was a dagger through the Bedlington hearts. 
 
Destroyer Dicka was patrolling defence well and clearing anything that moved, Maximus and I were afraid move or reach for a brew in fear of being tackled and planted into Row Z by the Destroyer! 
 
‘Olaf The Great’ was released down the wing and put in a lovely floater to McGuire who just couldn’t levitate out of the clarts high enough to gain sufficient Cranium purchase on the muddy sphere. 
 
Geezer Grant was forcing it with great committed tackles and enforcing midfield with his individual 
Passion and physical presence…
 
Whilst Crouchy McBan was ruling the Air in defence like a Stealth Bomber, 
Formidable.  
 
Now me toes had frozen solid! 
Zero metatarsal movement meant I was working with 2 thumbs max.😱
 
The Panther distribution to feet was fantastic whether he meant it or not, it was hard to get the ball up in this bogfest😳
 
Crouchy McBan then headed a massive retorting ball deep into enemy territory, I was about to call Norris McWhirter from The Guinness Book of Records!! 
That was a 70 yard header for God sake, Beast!!
 
Great work from Grantinio and ‘Brave as a Lyon’ set up The Meg as he rose from the waters to snatch an arcing right to left curving shot just over the bar boom!! 
 
The Mazzinator ended the Terriers hopeful attack with a clean tackle on a Bedlingtonian which left severed limbs all over the centre circle, it was carnage in the cold… ‘Medic!!’
 
The Ref talked to Maz to calm the Passionate Scot down, only to realise he was trying to reason with The Chester William Wallace… 
 
‘Ya may take our lives but you’ll never take our freedom!!’
 
The Destroyer Dicka took the bull by the horns and tackled like he was in Pamplona, it was the fiesta of San Fermin before our eyes, vicious but fair… 
 
DJ Steva was playing some wonderful 
Football, his touches were assured and never wasteful,
it was a George Best Masterclass…  
 
Half time came and oh my Lord how I needed a warm tea and hot chips,
 like a big hug from a large furry Sasquatch, talking of Maximus🤔
 
The pitch was in an awful state, 
It had gone all Bobby Charlton…😉
Yeah I could count each blade of grass on the balding field….
 
The scoreboard illuminated the pitch with a 1-0 lead to Chester Town which warmed my heart just enough to thaw my aching limbs for a second. 
 
Ronnie and Joel were like a couple of Arctic adventurers holed up in the stands, body heat is key to survival in these extremes… we were huddled together like penguins in the -40 Arctic winds. 
 
JB knee we could have been 4 goals up, but lady luck hadn’t been kind,
and the conditions weren’t really encouraging sublimely smooth caresses of the ball and one touch passing I’m afraid… 
 
The whistle blew, chips down and heads up for the 2nd half. 
 
An Early attack from The Terriers had them fired up and after a sloppy pass deep in our territory we leaked a soft goal, and we were back to parity 
and 1-1.. not the start we wanted🤨
 
Olaf The Great then made a great run into the box as he smashed a header in off a lovely cross from The Meg 
and 2-1… hurrah!!!
 
But no, but what, but surely not it was disallowed as offside???
 
Another great cross into the box,
(Cut to the stands)and Sir J Burlison Was seen to leap off his seat to intercept and head in the Cestrian delivery 🤣 
‘Watch yer place Jack!’
He Lives and dies Chester that Man🙌
 
Twice more we threatened the goal and we should have been 4-1 up according to JB, it was torture of the highest order.🥴
 
Ronnie was watching the game with the aide of Braille, such was the gloomy darkness, and Lord Burlison was twittering by guess work at times😳
 
Our 47th corner came in like an Exocet from The Mazzinator and a
Great header from Crouchy McBan
almost notched our second of the day…. 
Crouchy was getting his sighter in, 
‘Only a matter of time’ I proffered to Maximus…. he nodded silently, a man of few words, he knew I was right. 😌
 
‘Olaf The Great’ then won a great free kick with some industrious battling down the left wing…
 
Poised, visually intense, Olaf laid the ball onto a lush silver platter perched on a luxurious cushion of purple crushed velvet…
Crouchy McBan’s moment had come..
as he  rose like a superhero, no Lycra, 
just a big ‘S’ on his chest..
 
Is it a bird, is it a plane??
No it’s  ‘SuperBan’😉
Whallop and 2-1, euphoria engulfed the Bedlington Stadium! 
 
A High foot on the brave 
‘Undertaker’ and a free kick
It was like Mr Miyagi was in town😱
 
The Young Macca just back from The States ma’an was about to show what he’d learnt from The Yankee Doodle Dandies, as he picked up the ball 30 yards out and dribbled with ease before unleashing a great shot into the top corner of the Terrier’s Onion Bag.
 
We, The Cestrians, had levitated off the benches ready to howl like banshees towards the full moon…
But no, The Keeper leapt at full stretch and clawed the leather missile away and just tipped it over!
 
The Mazzinator and Destroyer Dicka made some great defending together, like a pair of Wily Wolves hunting down their prey…   
The Mazzinator then Smashed a stratospheric clearance into the thin air above us setting up another forage into the depths of the opposition’s territory.
 
‘Olaf The Great’ then took control of the ball, rounded the defender on the half way line and was hauled down for his efforts.
 
The Lancaster bomber came on for Captain Mazzinator who received a standing ovation from the Bedlington hordes….
talismanic and tough as nails the Gladiator had done his bit for Chester Town and his Country, his hair looking particularly thick and quaffed even now after that savage battle of footballing souls…  
What is his secret🤔??
 
The Bomber’s First touch saved us from a certain goal from a Terrier attack… a last ditch penalty spot tackle, clean as a whistle, like an Ashley Cole slide and hook technique absolutely tremendous! 
 
The Meg had his outboard motors on full as he crossed from the right wing with sublime perfection to ‘Olaf The Great’ who stood perfectly in position on the 6 yard line….
 
As the ball floated majestically across to him there was a lot to do still….
‘Olaf’s’ strong trapezius and sternocleidomastoid strained and contracted before connecting perfectly, unleashing a powerful yet precise header just out of reach of the fully flighted keeper! And 3-1….. Relief and Euphoria ensued!
 
Jack ‘Olaf The Great’ Oliver had just become equal top scorer with 8 goals, Cam Nichol had company at the top!  
 
The Terriers came back at us with a shot, low and hard centrally from 18 yards as we winced with fear….
‘Have no fear-the Panther is here’
As he sprung Like a kangaroo to his left and parried it easily.. tremendous!!
 
The Bomber had come on to show us who was boss, as he big hoofed a 40 yard clearance, settling some of Ronnie’s nerves… 
 
The Flying Scotsman came on 
for ‘Olaf’ who deservedly got a rest, 
I mean it was like quicksand!😳
 
The Young Panther was called into action again as his cat-like reactions stopped another save low down to his right.. imperious! impenetrable! 
He has half man half Hoover Dam.
 
 
The Bomber was on watch and again his last ditch tackle saved us from more worry at the back… 
 
‘The Undertaker’
Won a savvy free kick in the corner, the minutes were ticking down so slowly. 🙄
 
The Meg was running miles and closing down everyone,
What an engine that lad has! 
 
The Flying Scot latched onto a ball
Quickly and made for goal, 
You could tell by his body language, He was looking to notch..
 
DJ Steva was off and Dom ‘who fought the law and the laws won’ came striding on to make an impact.
The Yanks had had the lad for the last few months, but now it was time for The Cestrians to see his quality. 
 
The Flying Scott made a great run down the left and stripped the defender easily, dribbled and passed but nothing was forthcoming… 
come on Ref blow that bloody whistle man!! 😳
 
Then suddenly The Terriers terrified us with a sloppy 89th minute goal and 
 3-2, oh boy we got a sweat on Ron! 
 
Grantinio was fighting hard in midfield and Destroyer Dicka was clearing well like a fresh legged teenager, no sign of lethargy. 
 
A Dangerous Terrier free kick came pounding in as a training ground slide rule pass was hit to the Terrier striker on the right of the box….
Fortunately for The Cestrians up stepped The Bedlington Johnny Wilkinson as he ballooned a beauty 25yards over the posts!! 
 
Destroyer Dicka continued to be as strong as an Ox on headers and set the tone for the remaining seconds….
These 3 points ain’t going nowhere man!
 
3-2 it finished… 🙌🙌🙌🙌
 
What a game…. I was thoroughly exhausted mentally and emotionally, frozen stiff, and jubilant in equal amounts… 
 
The Cestrians Christmas party was guaranteed to be a euphoria fuelled session, thanks to all those that were responsible for that superb win…
 
Merry Christmas to you all my Cestrian Friends.
🎅🏻 
CJ.

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