Friday, February 26
Chester-le-Street, UK


Chester Ladies v Liverpool Ladies

6 Rachel Mellor
9 Nichole Havery- the giant slayer
5 Amy Kelly
2 Katie Ellison
7Haley English-The comet
4 Anna Collin-giggsy
12 Elisha Jones-
11-Lauren driver
10 Maddy Atkinson – the chiropodist
1 Robyn Parker (gk) Spider Woman
3 Steph Loraine- biblical
8 Sarah Burn

The Chester ladies last game of the season was here all too soon and The 97,362 Maximum capacity crowd packed Chester’s Gladiatorial arena…

the stray cats and dogs had been asked to leave as space was at a minimum,

 it was a sell out!!

It culminated in a Coaching Superhero Duo of Commander ‘Maximus’ Marc Kelly and Emperor Paul ‘The boiler-basher’ Borthwick at the helm..
Nothing could go wrong today with these two gargantuan footballing brains guiding The Chester Ship.
Maximus had just returned from a business trip to ‘Comic con 2018’ in California,
Proudly representing as The Dad from The Incredibles…
No time for autographs tho today,
or Lycra 😳 strictly business and the game ahead!!
With Maximus there was no messing..
The team pre-warm up talk was etched in his mind like  ‘Mount Rushmore’….
(Voice of The Gladiator)
‘What we do In Life…. Echoes in Eternity!’
Emperor Borthwick then moved silently to the front… hushed tones,
All you could hear was the tranquil hum of the Adrenalin coursing through Chester’s veins…
He began as if possessed by the spirit of The Reverend Tiberius Borthwick (1862-1914)

The final frontier,

These are the voyages of the Chester  Town Ladies FC 

Its 5 year mission

To explore strange new worlds, (Chorley and Tow Law)

To seek out new life, new civilisations and new set pieces…

To boldly go onto the pitch where no  Wo-man has gone before’

And with those euphoric words ringing in their ears, The Chester Ladies took to the pitch as if Gladiators entering The Colosseum in Rome!!

The noise was immense, small children cried, Grown men winced and car alarms were triggered down Crichton Avenue…

The Mascots looked ready to play The Game, Dressed immaculately in the Blue and White hoops of Chester.

The young Kray Twins aka

7 year old James ‘The Hoover’ Sharp and younger twin Ben ‘The Beast’ Sharp stood proud as Olympians in front of The Chester faithful.

As the sun baked down on The Saharan fields of Chester, the whistle blew…. Liverpool Feds stood in the way The Chester Ladies..

a depleted squad left one sub, a new keeper, injuries galore and a stand in deputy coach…

the running wounded would need to dig deep as Pool were a tough team.

The whistle blew and immediately there was Early pressure from pool..

Anna Stam Had miraculously transformed into Anna Giggs, and what a transformation!!  great covering runs in defence and interplay ensued….

oh she was sprightly, Sprightly like a really young sprightly thing 🤔

Maddy took a hit to the body which would have broken most blokes in two, But she bravely ran it off not caring a jot! 😳

Rachel made some great clearances from defence, ‘Av it!!’

Steph was finesse personified, Glossy touches on the ball, she was Lithe, supple and malleable as we watched the world in motion..

‘She Expressed herself….
She Created the space….
She knew she could win…
And she Didn’t give up the chase..’

Great chasing down,

Steph Ford, like a Blade runner that lass, a bounty hunter searching for the ball!!

Maddy took an early howitzer to the ankle and was struggling with an injury…

one sub meant Horatio Borthwick had no choice but to change formation and leave Maddy to battle through it…

‘Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts’(Churchill)

Anna Giggsy took a great touch and laid the ball through beautifully to Nic whose great run was prematurely ended with a chopping of legs not seen since The Hobbelling scene in the film ‘Misery’..😩

‘Foul ref-errrrr-reeee!!!’

Commander Maximus Looked  apoplectic… red faced and sweaty already, I expected a tirade from his lips…

 I was not disappointed… as a booming oratory echoed from his pursed lips…


A late change to sponsorship had obviously had a dramatic effect on the shooting as the boot-sponsor Toblerone admitted later😳

Steph made some great running and chasing on the left wing….

Sarah made some massive blocks, Chester were steady and ready to rumble….

Rachel Of the Zulu Tribe then let out a blood curdling cry… howling like a banshee!!

‘Get Out!!!’

an intense barracking vocal display, a tsunami wave of Hertz!!

Lauren’s interplay allowed Anna to show great feet again..  a touch of class… I’d not seen such dexterous movement since watching The Bolshoi Ballet in Vienna in ‘69 with Kenneth Wolstenholme🤔

Maddy was getting stuck right in.. The ambulance crews were on standby, we had 3 parked in anticipation.. the rumours had spread far and wide…. we had a wild one on our hands!

Sarah made a great turn and release on the right wing, it was Cruyff-esque, balance and poise….

she could have walked the Grand Canyon on a wire that lass!

Steph made a great chase back and tackle, breaking up another dangerous Pool offensive..

The Book of Steph decrees..

‘Be strong and take heart, for The Chester faithful will always be with you’ Psalms 31:24

Horatio Borthwick despatched vocal orders left and right, the plan was working and in the face of adversity as we faced our demons.

Lauren ran hard and passed superbly to Nic who made a great interception in attack, unlucky not to get more from it, The Giant Slayer worked tirelessly up front on her own…

never a hint of frustration or unprofessionalism, in that heat under that pressure…. tremendous!

Giggsy to Haley and pressure down the right, and then Haley delivered a dream ball to Nic, oh man so close!!

Katie took a deft touch in midfield, pirouetting with ease… space and time comes to those with class they say..

Lauren made a great tackle into the stratosphere which was as committed a tackle as you will see on a pitch, without a card coming out the refs pocket!

Great one touch passing ensued, and it was like Brazil in the 1970’s …

Lauren and Hayley worked symbiotically again to release Sarah who lost her marker easily, like a slippery eel….

 the Pool players struggled to contain the devilishly difficult Chesteronian.

The Keeper made a great clearance one on one, closing in our goal there was only one winner there…

Robyn Parker with hands of Peter Parker!!

No quarter asked and none given!!

Nic felt a foot in the head and just brushed it off like it was ‘baiser tout!’   Excuse my French😌

Anna and Sarah created some great interplay with Katie passing down the wing to Maddy…. Amy bravely won a corner with some great hassling play.

So close Lauren and Sarah in the box and a delicately tapped goal-ward shot was millimetres away from notching😳

The Chester VAR said no!!!

Pool pressed on but chester held strong!!

Like the story of Moses (part 2) in the bible…..

‘And it came to pass that the waters did not part and The tribe of The Chesterites remained resolute!’

Rachel then took out the pool midfielder and was carded.

It looked more like Brazilian street dance-fighting more than a tackle to be fair.. 😂

It was all ganning off!

Sarah took a cannonball to the chops And just laughed it off…

#The Chester Way

Anna was strong under pressure in defence, great awareness and a 6th sense that you need at this level..

Half time came and the melting bodies crawled off the pitch for some much needed refreshments…

90 degrees and the ground was baking man..

All of a sudden a Big bust up between the Ref and Don Corleone kicked off…

The Italian Pool manager’s colourful English had been clearly pronounced for all to hear, and the ref was having none of it!

The 2nd half and they’re off..

Haley The Comet went powering down the right wing and was in the mood for delivering…. An Absolutely immaculate beckhamesque cross!!

Nic battled hard but the keeper took it…

Pool then had a bullet shot just passed the post….

Oooohhhhh!! Close… scary close…

Sarah had the switch on, the Gears into overdrive and read the bounce well as she passed forward, almost lobbing the keeper..

Hayley The Comet flew like a super charged celestial being… out of this world…and shot just over!!

Ooh so close man…

Nic and Sarah foraged on the left wing and were Unlucky not to get their rewards.

Nic was taking charge now. Shimmying down the left side and a belter of a shot off the stanchion!!

So close man, it’s gotta come soon🤔

Sarah great run and cross, and then some Good cover and Steph which stopped a near open goal attempt…

Nic tackled brilliantly, Like a Lion hunting it’s prey as she laid waste to several footballers in the nicest possible way, ball first and limbs second🤔

Sarah she was a player maker, and set up many attacks…

Horatio tried to send a ball over mid match as a replacement ball, but unfortunately his body being 85% metal, due to years of footballing injuries and boiler replacements, he totally seized up bereft of WD40😳

Fortunately Maximus delivered a ball like an Australian rules footballer!!

Game on!

Maddy then took a huge cannonball into the piat!!

Whoooaa…. that was like Thor’s Hammer in the face that man and She just shrugged it off like it was nowt..

The Keeper had safe hands, she was Never in doubt….

Rachel and Amy made Safe headers back to the keeper and cut out the thru ball with effortless ease…

Then a dangerous Corner came over into a crowded box….  a foul on the Chester player ignored a goal given without explanation🤔

Oh boy 1-0 down!

After that possession and resilience.😔 gutted for the lasses.

Nic held the ball up well, and was fouled, again!

It was roasting now 90 degrees

BORTHWICK had changed colour Several times during the game, I was on the verge of singing a Boy George song…

The sun, the pressure, the Mediterranean olive skin all made for Commander B looking more like David ‘cheap as chips’ Dickinson..

Hayley had turned the left back all ends up, she was the Puppet Master and almost scored with a beauty of a Ronaldino effort, we were not gonna give in, we were growing in confidence with every stride…

Amy made a great long ball to Hayley…. Inspired. Hayley battled well and got the ball back….

The mercury pushed over a 100 degrees… the goal posts were starting to sag with the intense heat, a siesta was surely on the cards??

The Drinks came on!!!

And a Much needed rest from the biff baking we had all received for 80 minutes..

Great Hayley ball to Nic and Taxi nailed a 20 yard howitzer volley oh so close, Just over the top! It was ronaldo-esque…

Then end to end ensued…. Chester’s Keeper tipped the ball onto the bar after a 20 yard pile driver was unleashed upon her…

Wow that was a top class Stop, Dino Zoff would have doffed his Italian cap to her…

Maddy ran strong and determined until she drew the  foul bravely….

Pool upped the pressure, Chester absorbed it like the proverbial sponge.

Hayley battled and won several throws, as well as running her heart out down that wing, bloody brilliant!🙌

A corner was well placed and straight onto Nics head but just over.. it was one of those days.

Steph and Ann were imperious on the left wing and had some great interplay which Led to several chances.

One touch two touch it was Chesterlona moving thru the gears…

Amy Coolly went over  to sort out the Pool Striker… a quick push away gave time for the Ref to get his cards in order and deliver a rouge tint to the cheeks of the Pool Striker…

No Queensbury rules today thank you!

Sarah was chopped down like a great oak,  reminded me of the violent action experienced in The Seven Samurai, and we got nowt 🤔

The game ran out 1-0

Chester Ladies you deserved more.


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