Monday, June 17

News

Chester-le-Beach

Redcar v Chester Town

 
23.3.2019 
 
Oh! I do like to be beside the seaside!
I do like to be beside the sea!
I do like to stroll along the Prom, Prom, Prom!
Where the brass bands play, “Tiddely-om-pom-pom!”
(1907)
 
A day out at the beach with The Cestrians, can you imagine it..😳
 
The Mazzinator digging holes in the sand and burying some poor sod 6 feet under, 
I suppose The Undertaker really should have had that job 🤣
 
Tenacious ‘D’ Dicka splashing all the punters in the sea, just cause he could👊
 
Crouchy McBan standing 4 miles out to sea with a star fish sitting on top of his head 🤣
 
Jesus Coomberaggio walking on top of the water🙏 (as usual) 
 
The HMS Clarkson had made the more scenic journey via The North Sea, 
Arriving at Redcar Harbour with a flotilla of boats, and unleashing his noisy air horns to grab as much attention as possible..
totally out of character for the lad 🤣
 
I’m goin’ to move on up to the waterfront,
Step in, step out of the rain
I’m gonna walk on up to the waterfront
Said, one million years from today’
Dirk Hepp was asked to leave the beach as he had scared the locals in his budgie smugglers😳
a new beach warning sign was erected in honour of Dirk’s memorable show..
 
Elvis had the ‘beach boy blues’ and stayed back in the changing rooms🤨
 
Wakey was some distance away from the nonsense, 
sunbathing in a private cove with a 4 knotted handkerchief on his bonce..
His hand gripping a ‘99 like his life depended upon it, 
with far too much monkey blood rolling down his fingers….
 
One corner knot in memory of each time The Mazzinator had received a red card this month, I mean this season😳
 
The whistle blew and the battle commenced, at home we had struggled to overcome The Redcarians and Steva the Diva had left for an early bubble bath I seem to remember…
 
But with 2-1 in the memory banks after a fight back not seen since Rocky Balboa got a bloody pasting for 12 rounds and still won 😳
‘Yo Adrienne!!’ 
 
 
 
The battle commenced as Tenacious D Dixon ruled the roost at the back, dominating every ball, and any player coming into our territory…
Fearless and brave he stood up against all The Redcarians could throw at us. 
 
Crouchy McBan rose up and took the Captain’s arm band, complaining of his boots feeling uncomfortable early on…
 
I would have proffered a suggestion to Mr Alexander Tiberius McBannistan-Walker that those there boots are hard to fill,
after all The Mazzinator has been in them most of the season..🤔
 
It was another challenging role that Crouchy would step up to and thrive in… 
 
15 mins in and the unthinkable happened, Redcar Athletic took the lead following a mix up in The Cestrian defence with Jesus Coomberaggio, he had foolishly turned wine into water and confused the whole back Four! 
1-0😳
 
The Cestrians battled back, no heads down, no hearts blackened, no doubt in their ability to recover this deficit…
 
The Mazzinator on the sidelines like a Buddhist Guru…. legs folded and eyes shut he chanted the words all Cestrians chant in times of trouble…  ‘Coom-berrr-aggggiooo’
 
We waited only 19 minutes before Chester Town equalised through a beautiful cornered delivery onto Crouchy McBan’s head…
 
The teenager had a minutiae of effort to expend as he simply stood head and shoulders above every human being on the face of the planet and confidently head butted the leathery sphere into the net and 1-1, jubilant parity!! 
 
Redcarians stood agog at the spectacle as if witnessing a phenomenon unbeknown to mankind… 
come to Moor Park lads and see it week in week out🤔
 
The Reverend McBan had delivered another blow for The Cestrians, parting The Red Sea like a Crouchy McMoses🙌
 
Half time came and a chance to grab a Bag of F n C full of S n V,
quickly moving onto play the penny falls in the beach front arcades…🤨
God I love away days man! 
 
10pence down on the day and gutted
😤 The 2nd half was underway before you could shout ‘Hang The Frenchman!’
Sorry that’s Hartlepool😉
 
It was 50/50 before a break through occurred at 65 mins, as Chester Town pushed forward after a great through ball by Tenacious ‘D’ Dixon who found The Mighty Hepp, 
who rounded the keeper with aplomb to slot home Easily… 2-1. 
 
It was Michael ‘Sterling’ Hepp at his best, Nimble of foot, assured…
floating like a butterfly and stinging like a bee, Cassius Hepp as he is so well know around Chester Town🤔
 
The Cestrians looked in the ascendancy, 
Confident and rolling the ball like The Brazilians of 1970..
HMS Clarkson moved thru the waters like he had been meant to play in Redcar’s beachfront….
His engines had been bored out and refitted  leaving a healthy oily smell from his exhaust pipes..😳
all we needed now was The Guargantuan to Boss the defence and silence the crowd. 
 
Jesus Coomberaggio sensed a miracle was due, as he saved Chester from certain defeat 3 times impressing the massive crowds, some down for the sunshine and others for the magic show Coomberaggio was performing, he was Blaine-esque!! 
 
The Flying Scotsman was like a blur to the eye, as if I was watching the Matrix🤔
Neo Robson was warping the universe with his runs, Redcarians watched with envy as he deceived the most observant of players. 
 
But then at the death in the ‘86th..😳
Like a dagger in the heart as much as 1986 😤 when a certain D. Maradonna cheated a ball into the net with his hand!! 
(Mexico-World Cup)
 
A moment I shall never personally forget, or forgive, a moment that stole a possible victory and a chance to feel alive again, 
a chance to Dance with strangers in the streets and cry happily as an 18yr old with those who worship with equal dedication and Faith at The Church of Football…. but no!! 
The infidel destroyed all that, the officials had no V.A.R. or S.E.N.S.E😤
 
Still sore about that one… 😣😣😣
 
2-2 an equaliser to break the Cestrian hearts… 
 
The full time whistle blew and The Lads brought home a hard fought, well earned point. 
 
#TheChesterFaithful
#Backyourhometown 
 
CJ
 
 

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