Sunday, March 7
Chester-le-Street, UK



Chester Town v Jarrow 


A surprisingly bright and warm Moor Park greeted the faithful….
The lashing rain had put paid to many footy games this weekend but not ours thanks to the wonderful ground staff.

Keir ‘SuperMac’ MacDoughall made his debut today and what a debut….

Riddick had moved up to no.10 and was looking determined to have an impact at the business end. 

The whistle blew…
The Pitch side Gents present were
Wildey-Cummingston-Maximus and Myself….
If Carlsberg made Saturday afternoons I thought to myself…

We started assuredly and after a couple of long hopeful hoofs out of defensive we created a chance, The Diva hitting a great shot left corner of the box 25 yards curling to the top corner and just tipped over by the Jarrow Keeper… oooff!! 😳

The gauntlet had been thrown down,
How much do ya want it!!??
Lyons embraced The Diva.. 

SuperMac was super strong in midfield tackle, Unfazed by anything… 

Mr Blonde made several right wing runs and crosses foraging for an opening in The Jarrowvian defence. 

The Jarrowvian Counterattack came in and the striker was one on one with Jesus on the right side of the box
He unleashed a Beckham-esque howitzer of a shot 😳!!
When I say Beckham, I mean posh spice 🤣🤣🤣🤣
As the ball cleared the top trees of Moor Park woods… whoossshhhhhh!!! 

Mr Banana (Jarrow Keeper) took a 50/50 hit with The Hepp who fairly smashed him to bits, The Hepp is uncompromising but always fair…. he had slid in on a lovely through ball..
The Keeper was brave but then spent the rest of the game whingeing about anything he could think of which lessened our respect for him… 

Then the Ball ran free in open play as
The Hepp hit a stormer from 20 yards
Just passed the upright stanchion!!
We were pressing, some exciting movement was on show and Jarrow looked rattled. 

A precise Long ball from Brave as a Lyon was received gratefully at the feet of The Hepp as he moved into top gear…
poking the ball forward and easily beating the defender on the left side of the box before lashing in a beauty almost scoring thru a deflected own goal…
great experience to gain the space and quick movement for a solidly built chap🤨

A Jarrowvian Corner was won and immediately I ran across to Deano  ‘The Cestrian Rocky’ for a pitch live interview…

this is the transcript… 🧐

’a ball to the back post where a 1st half Glen Hargrave bullet header was destined to hit the back of net, until Max ‘s quick reflexes pulled off the save of the game, if not the season so far with a reaction save that would’ve graced any premier league game. Which then left the Jarrow number 9 bemused at how Jesus had managed to pull off such a great save.’ 

Jesus Coomberaggio had saved us once again.
Genius! 👏👏👏👏👏👏

Crouchy McBan was dominant and cleared numerous balls inside and outside the box..  using the 8 feet of sinew God had blessed him with, it was no competition trying to compete with him on the high balls…
at one point Wakey had to call Newcastle Airport for clearance as The inbound Boeing 737 due in from Malaga was in danger of damage to its undercarriage,
Crouchy’s brow and blonde whiff were The Dolomites of The North😳

Brave as a Lyon, steady as a rock on the left wing… carved a beauty up the wing..
Defiantly blocking Jarrow, putting his body on the line again, and just after he’d be sidelined after a horror tackle nearly ended his season…
that’s strength of mind Brother! 🧐

A quick release on the right wing into Collinio, a sprint to the byline and a quick turn inside like Bergkamp…
Collinio using all his napalean guile
as he layed it off and The mighty Hepp got his 15 clem thru the ball….
it was like a scene from Debbie does Dallas as he went all Ron Jeremy smashing it in low and hard!! 😳

1-0 and joyous celebrations ensued..

Half time came and went quickly,
Comforted by the one goal lead…
The blazing sun blessed us,
The beer flowed, Grand Master Craig sang out the raffle numbers,
beautiful pies were snorted off in a hurry… 

The 2nd half started with Jarrow looking for an equaliser.

Jesus was back on the cross as he got nailed by the Jarrow striker… 🤨
Dead leg all day… 😳

Then he popped up vibrantly after a sponge of vinegar to his lips from our Top Physician Dr Josh Riding….
The dangerous corner came in and was headed towards the top corner,
no chance for Jesus..😳😳😳😳😳

Or so we thought, we awaited the miracle as Jesus Coomberaggio levitated once again…
Blinded by The blazing sun in his eyes,
One legged and in some pain he palmed the ball away with a sturdy left mitt..
he had gone all Vunipola nowt getting thru that! 👏👏👏👏👏👏

Moor Park erupted with a kudos only reserved for the truly great moments, Jarrow joined in as they acknowledged the glorious save. 

‘Strictly’ season has started on TV I am informed, 🤨 and it seemed as if The Jarrow Striker had been taking tips on his devious footwork from John Sargent…
Falling over himself clumsily and winning a bizarre free kick.. 😡

Eventually the tsunami wave of pressure told as Jarrow breached our defensive walls, and volleyed goalward…
Jesus Coomberaggio parried but the Force was strong in this one…
and the ball breached the white line
1-1 🤨

Riddick put a lovely 30 yard cross field
Ball into Mr Blonde who controlled with ease and attacked the box,
Nobody there to finish it… 🙄

SuperMac had an intensity about him,
Stopping anything that needed stopping…
his small stature and slim physique belying his air of uncompromising fortitude and steel, Absolute Monster!

I watched him for nearly 85 minutes and not one challenge ended with Jarrow on the ball… 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

Crouchy shepherded the ball well,
letting Jesus Coomberaggio have an easy pick up..
Jesus was carrying his injury still,
so he assumed the lotus position on the 6 yard line and cleared his mind…

Mind over matter he battled on like a Trojan.. and then hoof!! he cleared 70 yards of clean air with his size 15 byut! 

It seemed like The Jarrowvian players had had their arses handed to them on a plate by their Manager, cause they were fired up like Vesuvius in the 2nd half. 

The Diva pushed on and looked hungry,
He’d had several nose bleeds by now..
at one point he was standing on the 18 yard line, his intent was undeniable..
Like Rocky and Adrienne’s conversation in Rocky I… ‘WIN!!! WIN!!’ 

Dirk made a great defensive header clearing a dangerous probing ball. 

The voice of Wakey cried once again,
Impossible to ignore, his soundscape omnipresent today and more a mighty Joe Cocker than a Chester Market trader.. 

Mr Blonde and Riddick came off,
HMS Clarkson and Hellboy Surrey Moseyed onto the lush green turf, (respect to Ron-aldo, Mac and H-Ball)
the wake from HMS causing a
Ripple in the time continuum of Moor Park, the Big Lad was on… his return was guaranteed to ruffle some feathers 💪

Hellboy volleyed the ball clear from a dangerous corner, technique and composure assured.. Ron Surrey was even smiling😎

HMS Controlled a fast ball, laid off to
The Mighty Scott dribbled and got the better of his compadre,
He put the ball in to the feet of The Hepp,
turned with ease, and stroked a sublime left footed finished with aplomb 2-1
Tremendous. 👏👏👏👏👏

The Jarrow Keeper took it badly,
With a face of Discombobulation, how had he turned and shot so accurately…??

That’s The Hepp, an injured ankle but not even a thought in his mind of the possibility of failure, Bosh!!
Back of the net for his Brace ….
I could hear the dulcet tones of Dione Warwick in the stands chanting ‘HeartBreaker’ 🤔 or was that Ronnie🤨

It was Just over a year since we had the minute’s silence for Tom Hepplewhite🙏
His boys were ripping it up,
Dan and Michael bossed it today. 

(A solemn moment then came to pass at Moor Park as news of Tom Hepplewhite’s sad passing was commemorated with a minute’s silence. It was respected impeccably .
Michael and Daniel would have been proud………………………………………………

The silence ended the whistle blew and The Crowd rose as one and applauded rapturously in respect …..)
(1st sept 2018)
‘Never Forgotten 🙏’

The game continued with Collinio nailing the Jarrowvian player
Strong and precise… no way a foul.😡
50’fucking50’ man!! I heard myself splutter out in colourful tones… 😔
As if my reflexes were being tested by a physician’s hammer on my creaky knee joint..

The Italian Striker Collinio was strong in the challenge, his only mistake was winning the ball It seemed??? 😳

Jesus Coomberaggio claimed the ball, like a long lost son. Embraced it and drew it into his chest… there would be no mistakes, no offerings of charity given, Jesus was focused,
Brave as they come. 💪

HMS Clarkson, what the hell…???
defending?? 😳
but defending well…💪
with a booming 40
Yard header from the Jarrowvian corner, a counterattack was borne from the desire to be victorious…we were galvanised… We were one, and hugely determined at that… a steely calmness had descended upon Moor Park,
the 3 points, the holy grail… 🙏

Captain Crouchy McBan was involved in all things defensive, barking commands and generally keeping order..
if it needed heading, passing or directing
He was there, a man coming of age and morphing into the role of Captain.. 

The back 4 looked organised and sturdy,
The Jesus foundation just added massive confidence…
A Collective determination to repel anything was tangible today… 

The Cat Was on for SuperMac, chasing around like the spherical pig bag was a ball of string! 

Jesus Coomberaggio was one on one and facing a dangerous move which worried me 😳
Into the box, and surely Not!!?
with seconds left… 😳

JC pounced and released himself from the haematological shackles that had thwarted his movement in the latter stages of the game…
The shot released in slow motion from the Jarrowvian boot laces, as we craned our necks to see the final Chapter play out…
Would divine intervention be necessary??
as the holy foot of Jesus Coomberaggio denied them the goal they so craved!

We all breathed a collective sigh of relief..🥺
Tremendous starfishing Jesus!!
(Sounds so wrong, but so right)

Then the Jarrowvian defender forgot the rules for a second and started to bark on about offside from a throw in… 🤣🤣🤣
The Reverend Phillip Cumulus Stratus Cummingston-Smythe corrected the young gentleman with tones
Of sarcastic derision only the older gentleman knows how to deliver..

He was simply guiding the young juvenile to the narrow path of righteousness thru his articulate vernacular..
praise to The Lord for he acts in ways we cannot understand. 

The mighty Scott was booked for a punishing tackle on the Jarrowvian midfielder…. it was like Scholesy at his best.. the crowd bayed for blood like the coliseum in Rome…
All we needed was Caesar Julius Burlison  to stand up and Give us the
‘thumbs down’ sign and The Jarrowvian would have been put to the sword n stretchered off as roadkill😳

HMS Clarkson pushed the Jarrow defender’s chest, he rocked back on his heels… it was like a 2 man a scrum 🤣
But with one directional traffic! 

After the 47th powerful tap on the chest The Jarrow Defender went all Michael Jackson as he maintained his moonwalking action, moving backwards at pace, and no wonder…
HMS is not built for speed ye naaz 💪 

HMS Clarkson won a free kick after some wonderful acting in the middle of the field, his cheeky grin told a 1000 words as he cajoled with the Jarrow Defender…
his 29 years Northern League experience paying off handsomely…

Ronnie Honeyball was very vocal in the stands as always, we were 100 yards away from him and could still hear his dulcet tones, was he selling The Chronicle?? , intimidating The Jarrow supporters or just lifting The Cestrian Hordes!? 

🤔 the H-Ball is a powerful weapon,
As effective as a smoke bomb into the Stands!
he causes mayhem, and we love it! 

After Fergie Time and 4/5 minutes of injury time,
2-1 was the result, happy days!

Crouchy McBan and Jesus Coomberaggio were
CLS official joint MOM’s

The joyous Crouchy McBan family joined in The Banksy Mural depicted on The Moor Park Wall…

Peace Out ✌️

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