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Chester-le-Fifth

Chester Town v Billingham Synthonia

13.4.2019 
 
The last league game of the season😣
 
 
It was the Cestrians v The Sinners
And we were in no mood to forgive🙏
 
Chester Town finished 5th in the league after a successful season of highs and lows.
6th place Synthonia could not surpass our points tally today. 
 
A great start to the league season for The Cestrians and unbeaten for 7, 
Bolstered by our fantastic away form.
 
Several serious injuries promised to end our dream start to the season, but we never gave in, That’s The Cestrian way. 
 
Defending Champions of The Ernest Armstrong Memorial Cup, we face another Final this Good Friday. 
 
A rare sunny Moor Park welcomed the dedicated masses, The A167 at a standstill as usual. 
 
The temperature hugely contrasted..
In sunlight 15c 
In the shadows -15c 🥺
 
I feel it important on a serious note to remember Cam Nichol’s surgery this week, what a miss that lad is..
A Brilliant striker and supporter of the lads during this very tough time.
 
I’m sure all Cestrian fans, players and associates will join me in sending out best wishes, our love and our thoughts to you during your rehabilitation Cam. 
 
#WeAreOneChesterTown
 
I’m Still looking for a decent nickname for ya like 😤😤😤😤😤😤😤😤😤
Any suggestions will be gratefully accepted folks. 
 
The whistle blew and it was game on!! 
 
The Flying Scotsman was in the box picking pockets, passing sublimely to The Meg who surfaced slowly, 
only his Fin was visible, but then a leap and a volley and just over the bar!!
 
Oooofffff… my 2nd premature shout of the week, Willington Meg Town had provided a similar scenario on Wednesday when The Meg’s superb volley was disallowed and I had crescendoed a massive guffawed shout of ‘Gerrrrrrrrrrinnnnn The Meggg!’
Only to be savagely denied by the Ray Charles of a linesman. 
 
Crouchy McBan was showing good strength and a heed that a billy goat would be proud of..😳
 
Grantinio bossed it in midfield, he is a hybrid of modern science, The sturdy hips of a rugby player with the agility and balance of a Brazilian Matador.. 
 
He may have lost some speed due to Tenacious D’s savage reconstructive surgery performed last Saturday on the pitch, 
Grantinio’s pancake face no longer streamlined thanks to The Dicka Bomb😳
 
The Cat was very vocal in Goal, and smashed some great dispatch balls down stream… 
 
Grantinio was strong in the tackle as he bent a Sinner over the concrete posts and steel bars🤣
‘Suits you Sir’ 
 
The Flying Scotsman again bolted down the wing and presented The Meg with a ball on a silver platter, as The Meg lurched forward and fully out of the water he flipped a leg at the ball and shanked a beauty off the post and in… 
text book😳 1-0 and euphoria, finally I got to shout, on the 3rd time of asking!! 
 
Note to The Cat, Less weetabix for breakfast mate🤔
The Cat hit a massive 100 yarder goal kick, landing and decimating a family barbecue in Crichton Avenue🙄
 
The Mazzinator was commanding, controlling, and organising midfield..
Assured and never wasting a ball. 
 
The Mazzinator caused some GBH of his own with a free kick right in The Sinner’s piat!! Ooofff Ouch!! 
 
A Mazzinator Corner thumped into the box ‘incoming!!!’
and a great Hendo shot thru a crowd was well saved by the Keeper. 
 
Crouchy McBan made great use of his Telescopic legs, as The Sinners pushed forward to the edge of the box…
Great saving tackle man. 
 
The Flying Scotsman and The Meg both had their chances to double the lead, but alas no goal arrived. 
 
The next minute I was painfully aware of Wakey projecting his oratory, and sounding like he was selling the Chronicle!! 
Big voice like a meat grinder taken in nuts and bolts😳
 
‘CRONNNNN-IIICCCC-CCULLL’
 
Yep I still bought a paper off him…🙄
 
We were dominant, 
Greavesy making a good block and cutting out trouble. 
 
The Flying Scotsman, always dangerous and a speed demon made it thru on goal after a Brazilian masterclass of passing from Grantinio. 
 
It Should have been a lob and 2-0 but it was saved well and we comforted ourselves in the knowledge we were still leading. 
 
The Brows was on fire down the left wing,  running like Forest Gump, somebody stop him!!! 
Corner ball won and more pressure on The Sinners..
 
We began to rest on our laurels in the last 5 minutes as the 2 Sinners in our box gratefully awaited a cross, 
His foot connected and bang towards goal hard and low..😳
 
Through clenched fingers I witnessed 
The Cat save with aplomb, 
He dropped like a sack of taties and smothered the danger instantly. 
Class work man. 
 
Then Steva The Diva chested and volleyed with great touch and composure under pressure from The Sinners and bosh out of defence, we had destiny in our hands. 
 
The Sinners continued pressure came with a power, But we absorbed it and made it to the break. 
 
Half time ensued..
 
The Michelin star pie shack was rammed to busting…
And look which famous gent I found😳
 
 
‘Who ate all The Pies’
Apparently The Undertaker 🤔
and from the advert banner he was in full on bragging mode!!🤣
(Mrs Undertaker was not available for comment☺️)
 
The 2nd half started with an energetic free flowing move. 
We attacked with vicious attacking intent which got Moor Park on its toes, 1-0 up and ready to add to the tally.
 
The Ref blew for an infraction in the midfield, stopped the game and the sinner striker oblivious to the whistle, ran a full 50 yards, totally unaware of the stoppage and slotted passed a static ‘Cat’ Wilson….🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
 
The hilarity from the 72,569 punters was audible to those in Chernobyl… 
 
The fall out😌 was that the Ref cancelled out the comedic goal, and brought back play…
 
Immediately on continuation of play We went to sleep and the same striker ran thru on goal and scored 😳
 
Yer Joking man…  an absolute Deja vu moment, I was waiting for the Ref to call it back again… but no, it was a bona fide goal and 1-1. 
 
I was Standing next to the man mountain 
Deano ‘Yo Adrienne’ Balboa watching and listening to The Sinners making their gobs run…
 
At one moment The ‘George Michael’ winger made an appearance on the wing which surprised every one, 
The young gun had faith and a lot of freedom, lovely quoffered hair but a very careless 1st touch.. 🤨
 
The Sinners came at us, as momentum shifted, The Cat was ready and went all Kool and The Gang with a Great save  one to one, he ‘got down on it’ but unluckily the ball rebounded directly to the striker’s feet ffs!!! 
(‘Fiddle-sticks for sure’ 
translation for the younger readers☺️)
2-1.. 😤
 
The Flying Scotsman and Grantinio came off for The King and Harry ‘The Pussycat’ Whisker. 
 
He was no pussycat today and he proved it as he romped thru on goal with his first touch🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌
 
The King was taken down viciously(they’re not called the Sinners for nowt man)🙄
Dr Hayls prescribed a quick sit on the toilet and a Double Whopper Burger, 
seconds passed and The King was rejuvenated..😉
 
Then it all got a bit feisty as The Mazzinator decided to use the Sinner midfielder as a surf board, 
I mean who could blame him, 
the sun was out and The Mazzinator must have thought he was a Beach Boy in Venice Beach, California Dreaming🤔
 
This was obviously a modern Wakey training technique learnt from his time coaching the Under 18 Siberian Savages Post Office reserve team 🤔
 
(Scotty had used it to great effect on Willington Wednesday💪)
 
10.4.2019 archives CJ copyrighted 
 
‘Scotty was yellow carded for a meaty tackle on the Willington defender, at one point Scotty was surfing on the man’s chest playing a banjo to the tune of ‘The Devil went down to Georgia’ 🤣’
 
I rest my case😌….
 
The melee spilled over and a few handbags were produced, 
The Meg was in face off mode, and the lad in opposition wasn’t even in a shark cage 😳 I feared blood…
 
The Mazzinator was calm but robust in his fracas, he’d simply applied a lovely bit of chiropractic treatment to the sinner’s spinal column🤨
I’m sure the lad felt much more flexible and loose after having The Buffalo of a man trample him into the dirt 🤣
It was hardly Thai massage at its best, but effective 🤔
 
The most disturbing part of it all had to be when Steva the Diva, the more pugnacious of The Cestrians stepped forward as the voice of compassion, 
I mean….
What’s the World coming to!! OMG!
😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳
 
We were pushing, we had desire, 
but the final ball was lacking😤
 
The Sinners broke thru against us,
and even The Reverend Jack ‘Cat’ Wilson couldn’t redeem us from the Hell we faced and a 3-1 defeat…
 
One eye on the Cup Final Good Friday left us perhaps distracted, no injuries reported, no red cards, Thank God Maz🤣
 
Full time came all too soon,
and The Cestrians walked away 
To think about their preparations for 
Good Friday..
 
Me, personally, on Cup Final Day,🤔
yeah I’ll go thru my usual routine of a 6am rise, meditation over a cup of Lotus flower tea, followed by prayers for a handsome victory, and no injuries to Wakey’s voice box🙏
 
Sir Phillipoussis Cummingston-Smythe has worked tirelessly behind the scenes and Prepared a Cestrian Flag to match the size of the Football pitch at Billingham😳
 
It’s measurements were first procured after taking a personal fitting for a 
Jamie Pollock Cape.🤣
 
#5moresleeps 
#Backyourhometown
#LoveChesterTownFC
 
CJ. 

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