Wednesday, March 20

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Chester-Le-Six

Chester Town v Brandon

5.03.2019
 
The Cestrian Gladiators were determined to get back to winning ways after a fortnight bereft of victory.  
 
The Brandonites stood in their way tonight on a cold, rainy, grotty Tuesday evening at Moor Park. 
 
Ronnie Honeyball was proud to show off his new eyeballs, like The Bionic man, we can rebuild him we have the technology🤔
And he would need them in this dusky light, grim was an understatement! 
 
We had Captain Mazzinator at the helm once again, with blue and white lines painted across his face and a scowl that said  “I’m going ta skelp yer wee behind!”😳
This time it was personal…  
 
Jesus Coomberaggio was between the sticks and ready to walk on water if necessary after his miraculous penalty save at The Heatonus Stanningtonius Colosseum. 🙌🙌🙌🙌
 
The crowd stood up as if puppets on a string and proceeded to sing heartily…
(To The Tune of the Italian song-Rigoletto)

 
‘Max Coom-be-raggio 
He is mag-nif-ico 
Watch how he saves a pen 
Does magic Now and then’
🤨
The whistle blew…
(Picture if you will, The Chester Jester writing furiously into the late hours of Tuesday evening recanting the sequence of events at Moor Park..)
😤
HMS Clarkson blew his air horns and pushed forward receiving a lovely knock on pass, but unfortunately was unable to hit the target or even the back fence 🤣
Only 7 minutes in and the dream start as The youthful Flying Scotsman, he was cornering on rails fresh from his boyband photo shoot, he was put through with a perfect slide rule pass, the ball symbiotic with his movements as he fired The Cestrians into the lead with an assured, consummate finish…
1-0 and euphoric scenes at Moor Park. 
🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌
 
Again, Chances! as The Brazilian Grantinio just back from international duty, rattled the bar from the edge of the area, boom!! 
Ay caramba🙌
seconds later The Flying Scotsman smashed a great shot onto the right hand post rebounding out, quickly being recycled and clipped in from the wing onto The head of HMS Clarkson, who had foraged his way into enemy waters smashing a header narrowly wide… ooohhh!!! 
 
It was the start we Cestrians dream of, 
How long could we keep up this frenetic pace and commitment🤔
Again The Flying Scotsman seemed to be at the centre of everything as he played in The ‘Brows’ Turnbull loitering impatiently on the left wing, like a Pensioner on Pension day at the Post Office, he stormed in and finished with ease slotting at the back post to put Chester 2 – 0 up! 🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌
 
Not many people know this but I have it on good authority that Mr Brows is on a Turkish Bonus, 😳 he gets a back sack and crack with an added eye brow shaping for every goal scored…
Wakey knows the power of incentivisation🤔 All Hail The Wake!! 
 
The elusive, electric, elongated Crouchy McBan popped up in the box, nose bleed imminent…😳
Theres an old saying around Chester ‘Crouchy McBan doesn’t miss from 2 inches out’ and you know what🤨
he didn’t !! as he smashed in the chance from just outside the Goal line, dominance was once again established with a full nelson grip😤
But What a Toe poke!! 
And not just any toe poke, imagine a BFG toe like a piece of white Ikea MDF 28inches long and 5 inches wide with a big ‘pig’ window(nail) glued to it and you have the right idea! 🤣
What the hell was he doing in this area of the pitch, 🤔a postcode rarely visited by The intimidating Etonian Schoolboy..  The Marauder got his reward though, Chester 3-0. 
🙌🙌🙌🙌🤣🤣🤣🤣
Half time ensued…
 
Pies and punters, banter and beer, 
a guaranteed warm welcome at our second home Le Park de la Moor😌
 
The 2nd half whistle blew…
 
The Cestrians were in no mood to sit back and allow a fight back from The Brandonites…. No Sirrrreeeee! 
 
The Brandonites obviously had a win for Chester on the coupon, Hendo romped into the enemy trenches and smashed a ball into the box causing mayhem! 
Brandon quite happily banging in an own goal putting Chester 4 – 0 up. 😳
 
Brave as a Lyon saw his chance to cause chaos in the Brandonite’s box as he slid a tricky ball in to HMS, the defender and Keeper were perplexed by events😳 as if mesmerised by Lyons footwork…
 
HMS Clarkson created in a Cryogenic Swiss laboratory, half man half Gruffalo… 🤨
but on the pitch, looking like a young Eric Cantona, collars up, full of himself, acting all French an that, stinking of garlic and truffles he had an attitude😤
 
As he Dug his heels in and turned on a sixpence, and with his obsequious nature, took advantage of The Brandonites. They were defensively oblivious to The HMS Clarkson’s skills and devastating fortitude.. 
 
As he motored forward, his girth parted the waves, sensing weakness from all around him The HMS Clarkson moved up to red alert as he saw the Keeper off his line..
The lob was on, and within seconds he had calculated trajectory, ballistic power, and various meteorological variations..
 
The Brandon keeper was stranded and with a nonchalant waft of the Tyneside Dock’s rejuvenated steel boot, we all stood up and witnessed something not seen since 2018….
 
HMS Clarkson smashing the Bejesus out of the Goal..
an excellent ‘George Cantona Best’ finish to make it 5 – 0 to Chester!  He was Back 🙌
HMS silently turned to The Moor Park hordes, collars up, Gallic chin skyward, chest pumped out and eyes gleaming!! 👊 sacre bleu!! 
allez les bleus!! 
 
Then Hendo squared a perfect ball to Grantinio who had a moment of brilliance, he was transported back to his home town beach in Santiago as he dummied the sphere with ease, creating a marvellous chance for Steva The Diva who finished with aplomb, burying the ball whilst cleverly using a Brandonite body to create a deflection.
 
euphoria and a sense of positive reflection, Goal of the season maybe not but 6 bloody nil… 
🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌
We were in Dreamland.
 
Coomberaggio had been blessed with time enough to crochet a new cardigan for himself, given the amount of possession we had been gifted and created for ourselves. 
 
Mr Hollywood and HMS Clarkson had good chances to notch more goals, but were unlucky to bump into a Brandon Keeper determined to reduce the arrears to single digits only… 
 
The Mazzinator looked off colour the whole game, and bravely battled on as the Trojan he is…  what a professional. 
 
Fortunately for Maz he didn’t suffer the defeat with which The Greeks levied upon The Trojan army.. 
 
We had been victorious in a way I had rarely seen…
The whistle blew, the end of what could have been 25-0. 🤔
 
What a performance!!! 
 
Easington at home on Saturday.. bring it on!! 
 
#TheChesterFaithful
 
CJ.

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