Saturday, March 6
Chester-le-Street, UK




Chester Town v Crook Town

The World renowned Moor Park welcomed us with some barmy winter weather, bright sunny skies and a beautifully lush, immaculately manicured carpet of succulent emerald grass greeted the hordes who swarmed in their thousands to see what all the talk was about. 
Ron had done us proud 😉
The question on everyone’s lips was, Would the huge emotional stresses, 
of that epic Tuesday evening, have taken their toll on the players? 🤔
Crook were riding high as they had won their last 7 games and this was gonna be a big challenge for The Cestrians.
Phil mentioned The Ref, referring to his silhouette as ‘crazy legs crane’ 
and of course he was dead right,
 as the Ref towered  over all and sundry at close to 8 feet tall.
He was the spit of the Kurgan from The Highlander film, raised in the harsh plains of Siberian Russia in 1005BC. 
As I heard him speak words of advice to Captain Maz I realised IT WAS HIM, 😳
the immortal Kurgan..
‘I have something to say. It’s better to burn out, than to fade away’
The whistle blew and it was game on.
An Early goal mouth scramble for Chester, as we rolled the dice once again, it was pinball football, a good chance had dissipated before our eyes, would we pay for that🤔??
The under pressure Crook Town lads then hit an illegal Back pass 🤔
and a free kick was ours, chances.
The Robert Wadlow-esque Ref paced out 10 yards, if he had walked his natural 10 steps he would have been spraying the foam line across the A167🤣
The Mazzinator stood strong and resolute…He ran up stoically and Bang!! Into the wall, as the Crook defence resembled the English scrum, moving to within 2 yards of The Mazzinator!! 
No chance of getting thru that traffic
Man, should Have been retaken Ref🤔
The Flying Scotsman was lively like a firefly buzzing about the right wing, 
He had great control and touch, setting up several attacks and interlinking with The Meg, Elvis and The Hepp. 
Everything was looking controlled with good possession as Crook moved into our box for the first time, 😳
Dirk Hepp and Jack The Cat looked confused at the back, as the Crook Striker stole thru and poked home in the box, after what looked like some miscommunication in our defence, 1-0 down 😤 and Totally against the run of play, a nasty surprise for us all.
The Chester Gladiators looked shocked and in realised the need to dig deep, otherwise we were in for a torrid time.
The Crook midfielder didn’t know it but he had been selected for Mazzination, as he was buried into the ground.. 
We needed a construction worker with a shovel not a physio, 🤣
as the Crook player was extricated from the turf, he was half man half Mud-pie! 
The Destroyer on the right wing was chasing and recovering well, like a blood hound, and played out of defence with consummate ease and accuracy.
The Meg was chasing well on the left wing and went deep In the tackle, 20,000 leagues under the sea it may not have been, but it was deep….
At one point he looked like he was playing ‘twister’ with The Crook Defender 😳 as they pirouetted in the turf like synchronised swimmers. 
The Destroyer made a great tackle again on the far side of us, dominating and shepherding dangerous sorties away. 
The Mazzinator put another man in the woods… Hoof!!! 
Maximus Kelly winced😫 as the Crook player disappeared over the fence,
it was like a scene from ‘The Blair Witch’!!
Then The Flying Scotsman steamed down the right wing and played a lovely cross into ‘Mr Brows’-  a whisker away, I’m telling ya, a whisker away from a goal, as he was unceremoniously bundled into the back of the net before connecting with the ball, as if hog tying season had just kicked in🤔
The Undertaker commanding respect wherever he moved, made some great tackling and passing moves stopping the dangerous Crook counterattacks. 
The Destroyer laid waste to a Crook player, as if playing football in the medium of Maz….
The Mazzinator cleared the ball well after great anticipation and reading of the game. His 72 years of experience showing nicely. 😌
The Mazzinator was like a rhino hunting down his prey as he Mazzinated another lad in the centre of the pitch, the impact alone enough to set off car alarms in The Chester Moor car park👊
Jack The Cat cleared danger well and assuredly.. rocketing a ball 70 yards down wind. 
Pressure from Crook as a Corner came in and The Destroyer was flattened by a blatant push in the back.😳 the ball falling into the far corner of our goal. 
Foul ref-errrrr-reeeee!!! 
But not even a flicker from him, just a casual jog back to the centre spot for The Kurgan and 2-0 on the board😫
The Destroyer face down in the clarts was not a happy bunny, and remonstrated with The Kurgan, 
Jack The Cat shook his head, picked the ball out the Chester Goal😤 and composed himself. 
Another Chester attack was borne from Elvis and The Meg’s movement, 
The hard graft would surely pay off soon, as a game of header tennis ensued.
I counted 42🤔
I mean, I like keepie-ups as much as the next man, but I’d much rather see a 20 yard Chester Exocet drilled home! 
We needed someone to take control On the ground. 
Jack The Cat came out for the ball as The Crook equivalent of The BFG pounded towards him, as he bravely clashed with the beast, the ball was parried away to safety…
The undertaker’s Corners were awesome, all 3 in continuity were dipping, arcing and perfectly flighted, 
And just needed finishing.. 😤
If we could have convinced the Ref to put the hoops on 2nd half we would have scored a hatful!! 
Half time arrived and not too soon, we needed to regroup and get back into this game.
It was curry o clock, as I was talked into a new Curry pastie by The lovely Kay Burlison, The Chester Guinea Pig was quite happy to indulge….
The Pastie was tremendous, you don’t get many Michelin star establishments serving that sort of gourmet pastry for £1.50. 
The 2nd half we started brightly and were ready to put right the unlucky nature of our first half demise, and that’s where I’ll end the report🤔
Joking man!! 🤣
Although I did consider it…
The Flying Scotsman was fighting hard up front, The Hepp jumping against far taller defenders was an unfair expectation without him bringing on step ladders… 🤨
He was fighting and giving it all for the few chances we had. 
Then our ‘ball watching activities’ resumed as Crook waltzed their way thru our defensive lines and 3-0, disaster!😤
Dirk Hepp cleared well from defence, the hoof was never far away from putting it back up to the forwards. 
The Flying Scotsman again made a great retrieval of the ball, A great cross but alas no Cestrian head appeared on the end of it. 
‘Mr Brows’ showed great skills and deft touch on the left wing and played in Scotty for a chance to pressure Crook into a mistake, but they were on it today.
The Hepp and Mr Brows came off for 
Mr Hollywood and Hendo. 
Basically We needed a bloody miracle!! 
We were Chasing shadows, 
And soon enough a 4-0 scoreline to boot, as The Crook Striker headed across goal from a very tight angle, 
How did that go in 🤔??
Crouchy McBan on the bench got his first touch of the game unexpectedly as a deflected blasted ball struck him on the legs, even then his control was immaculate. 
Mr Hollywood was running famously, and never stopped for a second. 
The FlyingScotsman was derailed savagely and a free kick awarded in a dangerous position, the effort deflected wide and our 57th Corner of the game was won😳
The Kurgan blew his whistle which was blessed relief as there was at least 5 minutes of injury time he had avoided playing… 
A little bit of Charles Dickens will hopefully soothe the savage soul and calm your Cestrian fears somewhat🤔
‘It was the best of times,(Tuesday Night) it was the worst of times(Saturday afternoon) 
 it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light,(15c and sunny)  it was the season of Darkness,(4-0)  it was the spring of hope,(The Final-Good Friday) it was the winter of despair…’

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