Friday, December 13
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Chester-le-Tweet

Jarrow v Chester Town 

 
6.4.2019
 
 
The Easter Holidays were here, The  Children’s faces illuminated with the joy of  ‘no more school’ 🙌 
and the common scene of chocolate moustaches abounded.. 
 
After a torrid run of results in the last month leaving Chester Town asking the question, where is our next win😳??
 
Jarrow and Chester had drawn their last 3 head to heads 1-1, 2-2 and 3-3..
 
Fortunately the screw driver easily popped open my kids Piggy Banks to reveal a cascade of pund coins!!🤣
 
After dropping into Corals on my way to the match, my footy coupon confidently showed a 4-4 draw, and at 1000-1 
I felt confident the money was in the bag😳
 
Another cold blustery day beckoned, 
It seemed a decade ago when I had last felt the trickle of vitamin D drip into my haemoglobin. 
 
What type of luck would the footballing gods reveal to us today…🤔 
 
Early battles were established and The Cestrians were in no mood to sit back and play for the draw 😤
 
‘A fully committed performance’ was proffered by Chairman Burlison💪
he was talking the truth as The Cestrian Gladiators made their mark on the Jarrowvian pitch and players.
 
The Brows, Greavesy, Tenacious D and McBan were ‘The Wall’ 
which protected Coomberaggio from danger..
 
And what a wall, 🤔
Not since The days of The Eastern Block’s Berlin Wall had we seen a barricade so indomitable… 
or a defence for that matter💪
 
I was singing ‘winds of change’ 
and like the song’s creator we had a Sting in our tail today… 😌
 
The Mazzinator sat at the head of this wall like St Peter at the entrance to Heaven… 🙏
 
The Reverend Marron 🙏 was in residence and nobody without good cause would be allowed to enter the Pearly Gates of Chester’s goalposts…. 
 
Anyone trying to enter our defence without permission would face certain Hell and an eternity in the presence of Beelzebub.. or in other words a good old Seeing to by The Mazzinator😡
 
But 10 minutes in we saw our First casualty for The Cestrians, 
as Grantinio, only just back from a nasty eye injury, took a cannonball clearance from Tenacious ‘D’  full force in the face!!😳😳😳😳😳
Meddddicccc!! Was the cry as blood poured from The Brazilian’s nose and eyes and ears…. 
 
it was like the 12th round in 
Rocky I… Yo Adrianne!! 
Ouch😳
 
👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
A rapturous round of applause greeted Grantinio on his exit.. 
 
Spielberg was on the phone at half time to JB looking to sign up Grantinio for the sequel to ‘Saving Private Ryan’… 
the horrific nature of the incident carved into all our memories😳
 
The Brave Cestrian was removed from the pitch and The Meg was extricated from his water tank ready to have an impact on the game. 
 
Captain Mazzinator was like 
Field Marshall Commander Craigus Montgomery as he drove The Cestrians forward into battle. 
 
The Flying Scotsman terrorised the Jarrowvian defence today, like a hybrid created from the illusive compounds which are ‘master pick pocket’
and ‘Usain Bolt’😳
It was mesmerising.. 
 
The Hepp was running the line well, like a seasoned pro he held up the ball for the Barbarian Cestrian Hordes to forage on, his only other concern was whether JB could spell his first name correctly😉
Michael Hepplewhite please🤔
 
29 minutes in and a great knock down from The Flying Scotsman lead to The ‘Mighty’ Meg surfacing from the depths of the Jarrowvian deep end, 
as he went all Esh Winning on us and volleyed home from 12 yards!! 
 
 Deja vu that Ronnie that lad 🤔
1-0 as The Cestrian Hordes went wild. 
 
Jesus ‘Maximiliano’ Coomberaggio was like The Golden Buddha of Koh Samui… 
statuesque-Regal-Intimidating-Omnipresent🙏
 
His two main strengths were on show today, firstly his concentration when one has little to contribute in a game of Cestrian domination…
 
And he showed this as he removed himself fluidly from Meditation, 
legs unfolded and arms extended to save a Jarrowvian shot through mere transcendence of mind…🙏
 
Secondly, and a little known fact, 🤔
he is world class at scrabble,
And with a name like his who would doubt it🤔
he must be a great speller🤣
 
Half time ensued and a chance to do the Pepsi challenge and taste some Bovril…
Could it be as good as Lady Burlison’s Michelin starred brew, I think not😌
 
Lips on whistle and game on!! 
 
1-0 and we needed to build on the lead we had created so well in the first half, 
It could have been more, 
but we say that every week 🙄
 
But 51 mins in and The Cestrian hopes were lifted as The Flying Scotsman brilliantly intercepted a ball and raced through like ‘Tiger Roll’ before setting up The imperious HMS Clarkson…
 
A man you would trust with your Own Life to put away a 4lb chicken burrito 
or a 6 yard tap in🤣
BOSH!! And 2-0….
 
As the Clarkson left orbit in his traditional and unique celebration dance,
The Cestrians felt relief and euphoria in equal amounts. 
 
There was Still time for more goals before the end with a couple of long range intercontinental ballistic missiles from The Flying Scotsman, which narrowly missed the target, Russian airspace responded later on that evening with warnings of spherical objects invading their airspace causing an international diplomatic disaster,
Scotty was too busy pulling pints of Coors to care or give comment.🤔
 
The final whistle blew, putting an end to the run of disappointing results, another 3 points were firmly placed in the bag, 
My betting slip torn into a thousand pieces 😤
 
The Mazzinator was heard to proffer the words…
           
  ‘That’s more like it, 2-0 and should have been more, very solid and very comfortable. Great response from us all. Enjoy your Saturdays lads’
 
#TheChesterFaithful 
 
CJ

2 Comments

  1. Grahame Sanderson says:

    That was a proper team performance! Probably the best display I have seen all season which bodes well for the upcoming Cup Final.

  2. The Chester Jester says:

    Mr Sanderson my Heart is lifted as are all Cestrian Hearts after such a committed and ‘proper team performance’ 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
    Bring on the final , 11 more sleeps😳
    CJ

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