Monday, March 1
Chester-le-Street, UK



MATCH DAY and a quick return to Moor Park for 
🆚 Carlisle City
🏆 Comtek Ernest Armstrong Cup
📆 Tuesday, 07 January 2020
⏰ 7.45 pm ko 
🏟 Moor Park DH2 3RW

50 mph winds meant a turbulent night of footy at Moor Park. 
Dirk had injured himself in the warm up after exacerbating an earlier strain, 
and so Steva The Diva started..
The whistle blew… 
We had an energy, a vibrancy about us from the start, this time it was personal. 
The Diva made a great pass on the half way line left wing.. 
Mr blonde took a great shot low and hard to keeper’s bottom left! Ooohhh!!
Was in all day, until the BFG flew across deflecting the ball with his ‘it’s a knock out’ sized hands. 😳
 We had wind advantage and it was some 
Advantage I can tell ya.. 2 goals lead would be necessary I thought. 
Mr T made a great move down the left 
Corner and set up an attack but it came to nothing…
2nd corner was taken 
But hit the first man😳🤨
We needed better deliveries if we were gonna threaten the Cumbrian keeper. 
Mr T was in fine form, after retrieving a ball from the Carlisle striker thru on goal and only the keeper to beat, 
His Pocket was picked and Mr T set about taking on the Carlisle defender at the other end! Brilliant 👏👏👏
Hooch nailed  Carlisle’s no.6 
He obviously wasn’t used to the 
sturdiness of The Hoochmeister! 
Bosh.. down and out, the referee counted 10 and he was out… 
5 minutes later he was still lying on the bloody ground… 
surely not playing for pens and a 0-0 draw mate are ya??? 😳
There’s 70 minutes to gan! 
Mr Blonde was making moves again.. 
I bet he’s dangerous on the dance floor🤨
(Davey)Oklahoma put a beauty into the box
The BFG cleared weakly 
And Crouchy stepped up, destiny awaited! 
Unfortunately it wasn’t from 2 inches  and the shot sliced just passed the right post.. chances!! 😳
Tennis footy ensued and it eventually fell to Scotty who smashed a volley agonisingly wide of the the right post.
It was coming.. we needed Faith!
Apples chased back with a voracious appetite, eating up the ground like a JCB! 
And then slid the striker with perfect timing….it was surgeon like👏👏
A power play of a breakaway ensued-
3 Cestrians against 1 Cumbrian-
 a big bounce- a brave challenge –
an easy slotted Goal to (James Connor) McLeod!! ‘There can be only one!!’
 He screamed from the top of his lungs..
well I was hoping it would be ‘only one’ as well, 1-0 cool finish.  👏👏👏
The Corner came in and Andre The Giant headed whilst our unknown defender put his head down bravely to head it away! 😳 whilst getting a short back and sides off The Cumbrian boot for his troubles. 
He bravely continued…
Andre The Giant must have been sponsored by Mitre tonight, well he kept kicking the fucking ball miles into the woods and onto the A167!! 
🤨🙄  nonsense!! 
Scotty put a cruncher in and dispossessed Carlisle 
Brilliant! 👏👏👏
Carlisle came at us…. nervous times…
Come on lads! 
Payback time!!
Crouchy McBan put in a great tackle after Mr T had been dispossessed… we would have been left desperately open otherwise 👏
Andre The Giant hoofed it and bosh straight into the OAPs bungalow gardens 🙄 what a surprise!? 
An octogenarian’s Cabbages ruined🤨 and for what!! 
Be like Jarvis man..’Help The Aged’…
Scotty flew down the wing again and won a corner… magnificent speed and touch… 👏
It was getting ragged towards the end of the first half, the wind not helping much. 
Andre The Giant got sick of kicking balls into the woods and decided to boot, nay, 🤨 😤 it was GBH on the young Hooch! 😳
A Definite Booking and should have been off-😤

Ref it’s the red one man!

The Saviour(James Connor) JC, had a word with Andre… ‘fucking hell you almost got the ball there lad’ 🤔

Ronnie was  apoplectic!!
Half time came just in time to settle Ronnie H’s nerves, we led him away before a pitch invasion would have ensued. 

(Trying to remember what happened only 10 minutes ago on the pitch🤔)
A lovely cuppa off the Golden Girls and out spritely like, for the 2nd half…
Into the wind we go!! 😳😤
This was gonna be a tester!!
Bovril or Wildey as you know him, was my company for most of the 2nd half.
I called it, 
‘we’ll hang on til the last 5 mins and its 
1-1 mate with pens’😳
Mystic Jester was in town- 
Crouchy McBan made some ground up and covered well In defence, it’s was backs against the wall stuff… 
Grant made a great block from The Keeper’s huge kick out, and instantly had it under his power… the dark arts are strong in this one🤨
Mr President was dealing with the wind well…  not easy with a force 10 gale in yer Piat!! 
The Cumbrians were pressing hard but we defended like trojans!💪
Mr President had the stadium 40 watters  in his eyes, the ball coming in high and handsome from a free kick, it had danger written all over it… 
I mean he had built a wall as promised, but that didn’t stand a chance of keeping it out! 
like an Indian Shaman he levitated to level with the bar and parried with ease!
giving massive confidence to the team. 👏👏👏
(The Fringe) Oklahoma made his Gob heard 💪
Directing and leading the lads well…
Great play and influence Mr Surrey. 👏
Great play on the right wing and into Hooch, a Bad bounce and in the air 
10 yards out but agonisingly into the keeper’s arms before Hooch could wallop it home.. 
How do you like ‘em Apples,
 as he cleared the ball with aplomb, 
class header against the wind and out of play over the bar by a 100 feet! 
Grant smashed one hard and low but just pulled it.. we were looking for a second goal, but would it come😳🤨??
The Diva was pushing forward and making some good passes on the right wing. 
Great save Mr President 
One on one… pile driver!! 
And with all that’s on yer mind at the moment…  I mean WW3 on a knife edge and still the presence of mind to save his team…  brilliant 🙌🙌🙌
Andre The Giant for Carlisle fouled us again.. should have been off already man,
As Apples crumbled  to the ground🤔
Mr T made a great interception,
We were battling…. 
The Mighty Hepps came on for the lively Hooch..
Then a dangerous 60 yard howitzer of a ball came arcing towards the roof of our goal..😳
Mr President rose up and saved brilliantly again and tapped it over the bar, 
whilst having his teeth rearranged by Andre The Giant, yep the one that should be now bathing in Epsom salts…. 
Should have been a red! 
Elbows all owa! 
The crowd were baying for blood…
Professor Wilkie called it! 
‘Ref will bottle it…’
And he did. 
4 more years were assured for 
Mr President 🙌🙌
With his ‘Make Chester Town great’ 
hat on he was the business! 
Of course you know what happens next, The pantomime villain pops up in the box and scores a header from a dodgy corner whilst fouling Crouchy McBan 😤😤😤
Now the referees feeling bad.. or maybe not🤨 1-1 
The mighty Hepps on goal 20
Yards out, could he be the hero yet again…??
a slide in to beat the keeper looked good but was repelled well.. very Brave Hepps! 
Full time and Pens 😳😳😳😳😳
I stood with The Mazzinator and his missus, Bovril is looking confident…
We reminisce about Cummingston-Smythe’s 2% battery life last time we had Pens and we won that one 🤣🤣🤣
My phone was showing 2% as I tried to save battery for the devilishly nerve wracking final moments!! 
It’s a good omen… 🙏 I hope…
Hepps coolly steps up and smack 1-0 
Cumbrian scores 1-1
Crouxhy McBan has his pen saved 
Cumbrian scores 2-1
Steva smashes one in 2-2 
Cumbrian has his pen brilliantly saved by Mr President 
McLeod steps you and whack 3-2
Cumbrian scores 3-3
The Flying Scotsman nails it and  it’s 4-3 
Cumbrian The Giant is lucky and 4-4
Oklahoma stepped up(Surrey with the fringe on top) nailed the important 5-4 sudden death pen!👏
Now the Cumbrian needed nerves of steel, The Mazzinator was perched like an expectant Fatha on the metal fence..
The atmosphere was bursting with Testosterone…  watch the video man! 
Mr President stood
Between the sticks looking cool,
he was like a professional Poker player waiting for ‘the river card’
He Just gave him the eyes and let The Cumbrian decide his own fate…
So what’s it gonna be boy…(in my best Texas accent) 
The run up was unsettled, nervy but a strong connection sounded… we looked up and Mr President hadn’t moved an inch… it was like playing chicken, who’s gonna move first???
Like a Mexican Wall, he was impervious to the incoming invaders…
He would not be breached or impeached!!  👏👏👏👏👏
But simply punched the ball away dismissively, like it was an annoying younger Brother🤣🤣
How cool man!! 👏👏👏🤔
5-4 pens!!  And through to the next round… Phenomenal!!

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