Friday, February 26
Chester-le-Street, UK



Carlisle v Chester Town


The Cestrians lined up-

Armin, Stephenson,Graver, Marron, Walker, Dixon, Henderson, Fingleson, Clarkson, Laws, Collins.

Subs: Lee, Lyon, Lancaster, Hepplewhite (M) Surrey

Or as I see them… 🤔

DJ Armin Van Booten

The Diva 

The Undertaker 

The Mazzinator 

Crouchy McBan

Tenacious D 

Dr Hendo


HMS Clarkson 

The Sheriff 




The Leviathan 

Brave as a Lyon 

The Bomber

The Hepp

The Fringe 

First Day of the season and The Team sheet was looking strong today. With The talismanic Mazzinator leading the Cestrian Gladiators into battle. 

🧐The Roman name for Carlisle was Luguvalio which, by 1106, had been changed to Carleol, which is the origin of the modern day ‘Carlisle’. This is probably derived from an earlier Welsh word Caer or Cair, meaning ‘fortress’.

Could the Carlisle Fortress withstand the marauding Jock and his merry Cestrian men🤨

Coming off the back of a great pre season 4-0 win against Newcastle on Tuesday night, the lads were up for it. 

Roving Cestrian reporter Lord Keith Farquhar-Walkerson had bravely made the long journey Westward.. with his translator by his side, Lady McBan, he was ready for anything. 💪

After strict instructions not to indulge and be as professional as possible, Lord McBan began the match day stating that ‘very little had happened in the first half and nothing of note had occurred to report on’….


Obviously Nothing to do with the fact he was 4 cans deep by half time. 😳

The Hot weather was only encouraging the calorie fest as Lord McBan smashed the 10k barrier making his way thru a sausage butty and burgers to boot…. 

Get back to the footy!!!

 I hear you cry,🤨

Chester’s back four were solid, Crouchy McBan had grown another inch in the first half alone, my God that lad is tall… Keeper Armin Van Booten keeping a clean sheet in the first 45mins, a tremendous effort by the debutant.  0-0.

Collinnio had been purchased especially from Juventus for £25m and was looking hungry for action.

(Wildey would have been disappointed as Carlisle had officially closed the Bovril stand due to the extreme Equatorial temperatures.)

The Cestrians looked lean, keen and mean… and that was just The Mazzinator💪

Both sides competed for every ball and every inch of the pitch was covered.

Nothing to choose between the two Gargantuans. 

The Cestrians had new gladiators on show, most pleasing of all was that all made their impact on the game. 

The 2nd half kicked off with positive vibes for Chester as Lady McBan banned Lord McBan from anymore beers!! 

7 minutes in and Dr Hendo produced a footballing clinic of his own, as he moved stealthily with a surgeon’s touch, razor sharp movements and a sublime penetrating pass to the back post…

The crowd ooh’d and aaah’d like it was panto season!

But then the finish came, as HMS Clarkson moved into gear, creating havoc from his wake, fresh from his Naval duties in The Bahamas, 

A formidable tan, 6 pack and fresh from the back sack and crack at The Turkish Barbers… 😳

thump!!! the joyous sound of onion bag being split open as The goal Hungry HMS slotted from close range.

Yeah even the easy ones need finishing,

Ask Gary Lineker…And it was certainly finished. With his full 15 clem behind it!! 

1-0 and euphoria as HMS Clarkson went on a mazy celebratory run, Usain Bolt could learn some moves from the big lad.

The Cestrians were instantly uplifted by the notch.. confidence brimming as The Mazzinator Commanded every move, the boss was ready and in the mood to start winning again.  

We Only had 13 minutes to wait before the next sublime moment of Cestrian skill Occurred. 

As Debutant Niall ‘The Scissorhands’ Fingleson weaved his dexterous phalanges and metatarsals into gear…

Carving up the Carlisle defence, the Carlisle fortress was looking in tatters now as The Scissorhands set up HMS with a slide rule pass…

HMS Clarkson saw his chance and motored into position, nailing an assured finish, leaving the keeper with little chance. 

2-0 and more aeroplane celebrations ensued, can’t get enough man! 

The 25,000 Cestrian supporters were rewarded for their 6am rise and 200 mile round trip…   The Mazzinator had given his all once again, and 73 minutes was his time to rest up and allow The Hepp a chance to impact the game. 

Just 5 minutes later, after coming on for HMS Clarkson, debutant Anth ‘The Leviathan’ Lee saw his chance, Keeper off the line, his intense eyes gave him away, he was goal crazy and in need of his fix…

As The Leviathan went into George Best mode looping a beauty over the keeper, The crowd went wild even before the ref blew for 3-0… 

We were in heaven, if heaven is set In sunny Carlisle watching The Cestrians smash 3 goals in against St Peter’s XI…🙏 

The final Whistle was blown as the smiles broadened over all Cestrian faces. 

DJ Armin Van Booten celebrated his clean sheet on the decks later that eve when he dropped bombs with his worldwide hit…

‘This is what it feels like’( to win 3-0)

HMS Clarkson was ready for some well deserved froth, the bubbles he craved did not come from the shampoo bottle…

Cya Tuesday Night at The Coliseum of Dreams Moor Park, versus Washington, Bring yer voices, bring yer hearts full of Cestrian pride and lift the chaps once again



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