Friday, February 26
Chester-le-Street, UK


Ramblings and a Redcar(d)

Moor Park 3rd Nov 2018
Chester le Street Town v Redcar

A dark foreboding sky hung over Moor Park before kick off…
It was Windy, aye windy like an afternoon on the Pier at Shields in January..
And It was absolutely bloody Baltic 😳

Once We had ushered the penguins off the soft pitch it was time to sound the gong and bring on the sinewed gladiators into The Mighty Moor Park Colosseum.

Chester Town were riding high in the league, confidence brimming after the
1-0 Cup win earlier in the week.

Chester kick off… and the Full Attendance crowd caused the stands to creak.
We waited in anticipation of a memorable game, hoping for the gods to be kind.

Chester started brightly, and Scotty showed his intentions early on, he was strong and showed Redcar who was boss.

The mighty Hailes made a break into the box but was snuffed out quickly, but then a dangerous Redcar attack deep into Chester territory meant Dixon would have a chance to show domination, as he rose like a salmon to plant a great headed clearance 30 yards up field…

You wouldn’t wanna receive that
Bison-like Geordie-Kiss in the Piat😳

The determined looking Mazzinator took his 2nd corner of the game and laid it on a silver platter, exocetting the sphere with consummate ease….
but sadly after initial contact a bobbly bobbler ball ricocheted round the box, alas no goal.

Cam made a brave, forthright run into the box, stopped, pivoted, like a young Bergkamp readying himself for the right foot curler into the top corner…

The crowd braced themselves for euphoria, but with an excruciating cry Cam’s right knee buckled as if studs had stayed put whilst his knee had turned…😫

a sickening blow for the striker, Team and The Chester Faithful so early on in the game…
He left the pitch on a stretcher sadly…
Assessment- collateral ligament damage😫
God Bless ya for a speedy recovery Mr Nichol.

Jack ‘super sub’ Oliver leapt like a gazelle as if released from captivity for the first time… fresh legs never looked so fresh!

Dixon hit a great long ball, Chester were asking questions, did Redcar have an answer🤔

Scotty went into top gear and warp engines captain, latching onto a great ball with balance of a trapeze artist running on the high wire, just smashing it wide of the post.

Scotty moved swiftly in the latter 3rd of the pitch and passed effortlessly to Megran who’s 1st touch set up a lovely chance and a belter unleashed from the Cestrian’s bootlaces.

The Chester masses rose off their seats, levitated from their proud stance as The rocket shot thumped off the post!!

Where were the gods🤔
What were they doing on this grizzly Saturday afternoon eh!?
Feet up on the couch watching Jeff Stelling waxing lyrically on Sky Sports??

Howay man they were just messing up a perfectly executed Chester move🙄

The Mazzinator in defence mode was imperious with his headed clearances,
A man who looks ready to toss the caber,
Throw the shot or join the Tug o War at a moments notice, his commitment was unwavering, unerring and steadfast.

A Chester right winged attack was cut down in its prime, leaving a man down,
But no foul🤔

Then a moment of carnage as Stevenson tackled Redcar with a zest not seen since the film ‘Bloodsports’, even Jean-Claude Van Damme would have flinched😳

What colour would The Ref produce🤔
We all knew in our hearts what was to come, but we hoped the hand of the Ref would glow Buttercups and not Poppies..

10 man Chester it was gonna be for the next 71minutes (plus stoppage time😉)

Then the unthinkable happened as a Redcar corner pummelled into the box, the thump of cranium on leather and
The bulge of net…
like a dagger through our hearts!
We were 1-0 down, an unstoppable header. 😱

What we needed now was a talisman…
a gargantuan fight back would be required.

What we got were 10 Gargantuans💪

The Mazzinator chased back tackled and retrieved the ball with a surgeon’s touch, like a professional pickpocket..
Oliver Mazzinator had just performed magic.

Then as he prepared for his next trick, The Mazzinator curled a corner, and with a timely gust of wind, into the top stanchion of the goal, surely it was 1-1 man!
The goalie wrong footed, he had to spin backwards and jump triple salchow style to finger tip it over, an amazing save, sadly the corner was not forth coming.😳

Great midfield and defensive passing ensued.. like Brazil 1970.

The Flying Scotsman ran his heart out, as if retorting through the medium of feet to Captain Tiberius Maz’s encouraging tones…

‘ I’ve giv’n her all she’s got captain, an’ I canna give her no more’(in my best Scottish)

He chased it down and with great footballing intelligence and won a corner.

A Cestrian foreheed rose tallest of all,
Thumping the ball towards the Top corner and a certain goal.. the unknown header we shall call him. 😔

If the ball had been a cube it couldn’t have fit any better…..

the Redcar keeper managed to use levitation wizardry and the dark arts to muster the energy to rise incredibly and tip the ball away with finger nails.. Banksy-esque! Cap doffed…

Chester sensed blood like a school of Great Whites moving stealthily, sweeping over the Turf with the Chester Zephyr on their backs….

The mighty Hailes received the ball in the box, 16 yards out, centre of the goal in his view, eyes gleaming, heart pumping,
adrenaline off the chart, but focused with an intensity of a sniper marksman…
Hailes Unleashed retribution!

A sublime strike, a Michelangelo of a finish, in my mind it replayed in slow motion… slotted like a pro….
Alan Shearer would be regaling the strike in a few hours time on MOTD.

The Cestrian Hoardes went wild!!
Children cried, Men screamed exultantly and The Women sang Hallejuah!!

The gods had been fair, equilibrium had been restored to our Universe and in that moment of euphoric contemplation it was 1-1…
we were back into it, Unbelievable Jeff🙌

The waters subsided, and calm was restored after the Tsunami wave of delight…

Only to be upstaged by a comedic bit of skill from Dixon, this lightened the mood somewhat, as the Crouchy-esque figure curled the ball with such consummate ease, crashing the ball off his own ‘bracket’ 🤣
I blame the Chester kit man,
he must surely have put out Dixon’s Pantomime Aladdin’s boots by mistake🤣

Then more Sustained pressure from The Cestrians paved the way an easy run into half time…
We were playing as if 12 players were on the pitch man, tremendous resilience in the first 45 minutes.

The ‘fixtures and fittings’ appeared beside me shortly before the half time whistle blew as Ronnie Honeyball arrived at the pitch side on his way to some much needed warmth and refreshment (by the look of him 😳)

‘Freezing me Bollocks off’ was the appropriately titled information he wished to communicate with Maximus Kelly and my good self…

His attendance guaranteed us a much needed injection of Jovial banter to gee us up a bit!
Especially after the cataclysmic rollercoaster ride of emotions we had experienced in the first half, we were feeling some what spent,
What was to come🤔

Caffeined and warmed up to the hilt we returned to the opposite side of the Stands…
The 2nd half began as we had finished the first…

Chester pressured Redcar early on,
Olaf The Great made some good runs on the left wing and was almost thru on goal but for a timely intervention by a determined Redcarian.

Great instructions from The Mazzinator,
It was as if The Puppet Master had come to play today.. imperious!

Jack ‘The Giant Killer’ moved hopefully into the box as The Meg made a brilliant right wing forage into enemy territory carving out a cross that Beckham would’ve been proud of…

And Bosh!! Jack ‘pick the defender’s pocket’ Oliver rifled home the arcing missile with a header so sweet that there were rumours he had been signed up immediately for Willy Wonka FC… 😉

Back to the real world tho 🙄
The Dream was alive 🙏
Come on Chester!!!

Megran and Robson showed some midfield interplay which was symbiotically spellbinding….

Pocklington had only fairly simple things to do today, but did them well…
the mark of a great Keeper is the one who has nothing much to do but can concentrate at that one defining moment that saves the game for the team….

Pocklington jumped like a cat, flew like a bird, arced like a dolphin and took the catch with a full stretch to his left side,
with assured hands the defence grew in strength and confidence, we can do this ya know.

Redcar were pushing for an equaliser but Resilient Chester would not cave,
Redcar hadn’t brought their trumpets and The Walls of Chester stayed strong 🙏

Walker was booked for a confrontation,
And Then Scotty was booked shortly after, 😳
The referee was in danger of running out of ink!!

Whilst Lord Burlison was probably counting up the fines🤔

Then a Redcar howitzer with shouts of ‘incoming!!’ 20 yards out and doink! off the bar,
then immediately after this passage of play a dangerous Redcar header soared diagonally, agonisingly towards the bottom corner as we all stared, offering prayers of salvation,
It brushed passed the post!!
😱 oh man how much more could my old ticker stand🤔

Chester were living a charmed life at the back, But again we did not crack, and the dam did not break.

The pressure was on, could we withstand it🤔

The long legged ref counted out 27 yards in 10 strides… we weren’t complaining!!
A cry from the Cestrian masses
‘take as long as you like mate’ 🤣

The Mazzinator put some stink on it and smashed a free kick into the box, again the ball came straight back…

Someone nearby me was shouting
‘Crazy Legs Crane’ at the ref..

Phil Cummings was applauding the ref’s great decision making…

It was all going off man!

Dixon had great control and composure, he turned with ease in defence like he’d just had 16 weeks of ‘Strictly’ dance training….

Then he hit the most booming stratospheric ball,
I was seeing it launch into the dusky sky like Apollo 11 so far down field it’s still ganning now….

Lord Burlison winced as he thought the Stadium Lighting might be in danger of being put out by such a huge hit!

REDCAR mission control were heard announcing over Tees FM
‘Houston we have a problem!’

Shortly after Walker made a great run out the box with the ball Tethered to his feet, until blatantly brought down by a heavy challenge.

More seconds counted down,
Breathing space and time to start nervously counting the minutes down.

Jack made a penetrating sprint into the 18 yard line and took it round the keeper but cruelly the white painted line beat him to it… like a whippet that lad.

Another Redcar bouncing bomb came in and sauntered just passed the post
thank the lord!!!

A Redcar Free kick caused us more consternation as dangerous times were afoot Pocklington leapt gracefully and got to it and was then kneed unceremoniously, gaining us brief respite and a free kick….

We were seconds away from 3 points..
Furrowed brows abound,
Lots of wrist watching,
And Howay Ref is it Fergie Time!?

And then blessed relief as the final whistle blew…
The Sweet final whistle.

A fight back so glorious it had not been seen since the Barcelona comeback versus PSG of 6-1 in The Champions League (2nd leg after a 4-0 deficit to overcome… )

The fireworks have not stopped since the final whistle in the small principality of Chester Town..

After the game Lord Burlison was seen to be very happy, surrounded by his Cestrian Family..

Captain Mazzinator was even heard to be ‘oot oot’ after such an epic battle..

Howay the lads!

The Chester Faithful march on
and only 1 point behind the League leaders😔.


  1. The Chester Jester says:

    Great idea Chris,
    And why not a full brass section playing the Great Escape, it would have been quite apt for Saturday’s game 😂

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