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Sunderland West End v Chester Town 

 
14.12.2019
 
MATCH DAY
🆚 Sunderland West End
🏆 @theofficialnl Division Two
📆 Saturday, December 14, 2019
⏰ 3:00pm
🏟   Nissan Sports Complex SR5 3NS
#SupportYourLocalClub 

 
 
What a month, what a week…
Biblical weather, 
A tsunami wave of viruses and The Toon Army crept up to the top half of the premiership😉
 
Brass Monkeys would have been the first expression that came to mind, 
and I’m sure The BBC’s Thomas Schafenackers Would have agreed with me, had he been available for comment. 
 
The Sunderland West End players didn’t disappoint as they walked, nay, danced onto the pitch to The Greatest Showman 
‘This is Me’ 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
 
Dirk Hepp was the Captain today, 
The elongated Crouchy McBan had picked up a nasty chest infection, but what can you expect when most of your cranium spends it time bobbing around 33,000 feet🤣
 
I first saw him sitting on the polycarbonate transparent bench, 
Looking like a scene from E.T. When they find him in the stream near the end…  pasty-anaemic-tired..😳 
A Quick recovery Young McBan! 
 
A new look younger Chester side appeared in Brazillian yellow, I was praying for some 1970’s skills. 
 
The ref blew for kick off as we arrived on the dot from our Polar expedition of the back lanes of Washington..😳
 
Wind against, and nothing above zero on the thermometer meant a testing day on a bobbly pitch.. 
 
James ‘Connor-McLeod’ received a lovely thru ball around the edge of the box, shouting ‘There can only be one!’
 
Aiming top bins he over cooked it, 
Straight over the bar… 
The gravity defying winds exacerbating the ball trajectory and line of fire..🤨
 
‘Bournville’ made a sweet block 
after an Exocet of a ball threatened to smash thru our defensive barricade..
brilliant full length commitment,
As if he was setting off down the treacherous Val-d’isere’s 
toboggan run!
 
It was 50/50, who would crack first..
 
We had the wind in our faces
So Jesus was experimenting with high and low ball deliveries…
 Wakey was singing ‘Fog on the Tyne’ just to lift the subs spirits as they perished on the bench against the bitter winds. 
 
A Long 60 yard ball to The Hepp, he controlled the ball with a single touch of his boot, instantly removing any yawing kinetics from the ball, and using his 47 years of experience to tame the leather orb, a lay off done with aplomb..  
 
We foraged on for a goal, 
The ball releasing to The Diva who hit an arcing, looping shot towards top corner….
Oohhh!! just missed the top right hand stanchion, unlucky not to score mate! 
Again the wind was turbulent and unruly.
 
We surveyed the beautiful barren Nissan Landscape, like a scene from Aliens 3…
surrounded by a wind farm on one side, a factory on Tuther side equal in size to that of The city of Glasgow…
All nicely infested with thousands of swarming black birds…
The Roman’s would have been at home!! Collinio reminisced… 
 
I mean the nursery rhyme mentions 4 and 20 blackbirds baked in a pie, 
 finding myself In an unenviable position of needing to report back to the advertising ombudsman…
 
as The Makem’s pie fest at half time was bereft of any aviary ingredients, and more based around grounded pigs trotters and Offal… 🧐
 
The football was a battle of attrition and not the most engaging of occasions, both teams battled on the lumpy surface, but few chances were created… 
 
Stephen King’s ‘The Birds’ was mentioned by Rocky D Simpsioni… 
I felt that he had to be corrected immediately, 
pointing out that ‘The Birds’
was actually Alfred Hitchcock… 
🤣
 
I felt like The Jester had buzzed in on University Challenge to sweep the points away for Chester Town.. 🙌
 
The Hepp had a lovely touch as he deftly deadened the ball and in one complete move pirouetted and turned, 
but couldn’t quite finish the move off in the box… 
 
Joe ‘Bourneville’ Blackbourne our new centre back looked at home today, confident on the ball, 
Strong in the tackle, good passing and assured with his head… 
 
With Captain Dirk and The Saint(Greavesy) in support, 
We had a symbiotic defensive display,
Great work lads… 
clean sheet in the first half. 
Jesus Coomberaggio was confident and forthright, dispatching the ball well and showing a safe pair of hands in possession, keeping his concentration when no action was required of him and being vocally commanding. 
 
(Thirlaway) ‘Mr T’ pitied the fool💪
 and made a great tackle and wiping out the makem midfielder, Lifting him clean into the clouds,  never a foul.. 🤨
As we waited for the midfielder to land 🤣 the ref blew for half time. 
 
Half time 0-0 and a couple of chances either way made us feel like parity was a fair reflection.. 
 
Maximus Kelly and I rushed to the warmth of the Makem clubhouse,
 I checked that Maximus had been to Cestria health centre for our jabs 1st before sniffing out a tray of chips like a couple of hungry Hogs on a truffle fest…
‘no Bovril in sight Wildey’🙄
 
Once gorged on the half cooked Pomme de terre products 🤨
We returned to the pitch side. 
 
In black-dark conditions, 
Riddick would have struggled man… 🤨
I narrowly avoided my Jester hat being removed by an over confident Makem player beguiled by the blue and white Medusa hat! 💪 
One look at my security detail changed his mind as Maximus altered his intended course 👊🤣
 
The 2nd half started with The Cestrians enjoying the wind advantage, more than a zephyr but less than a gale….
I was encouraged by our strong and determined start, Howay the Lads!! 
 
A Great left side free kick from Collinio 
was delivered perfectly for a git big foreheed… hovering at a tempting height, chances once again.. 
but alas no foreheed, no bulge of the net😤 
 
A counterattack came bounding into Jesus’s box and ended up being guided into The Chester Town goal, 
1-0 and desperation! 😳
We had not deserved to be behind… 
 
Our Napoleon Striker Collinio was lively, spritely as a gazelle…
Making runs and leaping into action at the drop of a hat…  making several crosses to keep constant pressure on our rivals… 
 
The Cestrian Corner came in as flat as a flaming pancake…🤣
with audible groans around the Cestrian supporters… 
 
the ball landed around 12 yards from goal after the proverbial Barnes Wallace delivery sauntered in with
3 beautiful bounces…
our new debutant Schizophrenic striker ‘Turner and Hooch’ rose up and saw his chance, connecting perfectly with his laces and nailed a great finish! 
 
Hey what the hell do we know??
Obviously a training ground masterclass of Wakey’s 💪🤣
Back in it! 1-1 🙌
 
The Hepp’s corner arced into the densely populated box, suddenly the ball was hammered by a big cranium towards goal, one look confirmed that HMS Clarkson had risen highest and powered the header towards goal…
 
The Makem keeper sprung to his right instinctively saved, and saved well,
but the ball stayed in the Top Gun area, 
The Danger Zone! 😳
Who would react to the bounce quickest?? 
HMS steadied himself, gravitated towards destiny and firmly nailed the rebound from close range- Bosh!! 
2-1 happy days! 
 
2 goals in 3 minutes, who could have dreamed of such a late reaction.. 🤔
Pep Wake’s two super subs had proven very fruitful.. 👏👏👏👏👏👏
 
It had gone all Camp Nou  ‘99 
Bayern Munich v Man United
one minute we are 1-0 down facing defeat and a dressing down in the dressing room, 
next minute we are 2-1 up and booking an open top bus thru Chester Town with free Burla Bombs to boot!!🤣
 
‘Scotty’ The New Flying Scotsman made some great running on the right wing until he was felled like a great oak! Foul referee!! 

 
We had legs all day, we looked vibrant in the last 10 minutes, like a winter puppy just released from the Christmas wrapping paper…
 
It could have been 3-1 at the end when the tsunami wave of Cestrian pressure broke forward again, Hooch cutting inside the box, 18 yards of green left to manoeuvre, curling a beauty just beyond the keeper and the post..
The Makem defender’s size 14 byut and gangly metatarsal the deflective difference 🙄
 
A Last minute ball into Jesus’s box was 
A nerve jangling moment 
Until Jesus Coomberaggio stepped forward to say…
‘Forgive them Father for they know not what they are doing’ 🤣
As he scooped up the ball tenderly like a Father picks up his precious child..
 
Steadied and resolute he Crossed himself and blessed his defenders. 🙏
A stonking kick down field allowed HMS Clarkson to levitate and pivot like a 15 clem Olga Corbett, the flicked nod was perfection, Hooch chased the sublime ball like an athletic Jack Russell.. 
what an engine! 😳
 
The assistant referee indicated 2 minutes left… 🧐
 
The Hepp moved into Russian Chess Grand Master mode, resembling the great Anatoly Karpov, he dragged the ball into the corner, cat and mouse ensued as HMS joined the party… 💪
all that was missing was the collective chant ‘Ole’ from the crowd on the completion of every pass… 
 
I counted 72 in all, it was Chesterlona at their best… 
 
HMS Clarkson saw his opportunity to put this to bed, as he powered a Worldie shot in on goal just as the last seconds counted down, 
he must have know the Makems only had one footy left, cos he howked the leather off that casey and owa the fence into the next post code 🤣
 
Finally the whistle sounded after 23 minutes of extra time!! I mean was Ferguson on the premises or whaat!😳
 
Fortunately Coach Maximus and I had recently been on First Aid courses, and essential that we had.. as Maximus’s feet had sadly passed away during the 2nd half of the match, frozen solid, no pulse could be found below the ankles, blocks of ‘F****** Ice Jester’ he cried out… 
 
CPR on those hairy toes was like an 
Ant n Dec jungle torture! 
 
Joe Blackbourne or ‘Bourrneville’ as he is so well known and loved now 🤨
Was announced as MOM by the supporters 🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌
 
A Brilliant effort by our Cestrian Gladiators… and a great turnout from The Blue and White Army!! 
For those about to thaw out in a hot bath we salute you 🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌
 
CJ
 
 
 
 

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